How many times have you loved, been in
love, felt something that could be love? It could easily be a
thousand times, try to remember you noticed something that draw your
attention a little more than just that simple second.
I tried remembering a few and already
it gave me a headache, no clue what so ever. I can easily count
relationships and or “the maybes”. I dare not reach further in
my mind in fear for drowning already in the shallow end.
While at the gym, just finished my
routine for the day I was already surprised with the fact that I
might start to like to work out, when I overheard two guys talking
about one of them being in love, and the other one asking, why, how,
what gave it away. Looking at them I was surprised that guys their
age would ask these questions as their core thinking this period in
life is mostly sex. Well there are little miracles around us. With
that question in my head I started to think, while having a great
coffee. (so happy they repaired the machine). In the past, short and
long, I have asked many times what about love. So there I was, coffee
in hand, thought in mind, looking at a group just finished with their
class. A sweet buzzing hanging over the group, sighs and sounds of
laughter, I figured it must have been a good work out.
Back to my brain, to easily my mind
wonders, so love, me and having or being in it. To start of simple, I
love a few people just for who they are, my friends, some I kiss and
some I don't, why? Well sometimes you feel its natural and with
others it doesn't happen because you know this closeness of beings is
there. My brothers and sisters, even with their complexity I do love
each and everyone of them, more now than ever, but that is in my case
a part of growing older.
Next thought; could (can) friends
become lovers? Relating to my life, I have dated the ones I wanted to
love, or be with, none of them started as a friend. Thinking harder
for a moment, and still no, none of my friends became lovers or
relationships. Now I wonder would my failure rate be lower if I had
started dating friends? Good one, but I am afraid I can not answer
it. Some of my friends are worth dating because they are wonderful
people, some of them don't know and I am not telling them, this is
something they have to find out in the process of growing up. More
than half of my friends are younger and some less than half my age.
They are still amazing in their own way. Looking at them and having
the question of love in mind, lets look around. They all want it in
some or other way, just the odd one isn't ready and knows it. Does he
actually? From what I see, I think he is on the right path into
finding himself. The boy is changing into a man, with added strength,
and it is a treat to see it happen. To see a pimple in company of
wisdom, I do love him for that. Like looking in the sandbox and see
maths formula's in the sand and in the middle this smiling innocent
on path of adventure. One is looking for love in all the wrong
places, and only asks what is wrong afterwards, listens and returns
to his trip through the mature world. Wanting someone much older but
with a young mind. I might need to wake him one day, a man close to
my age still behaving like one half his age, is not real. There is
something fishy about it. (in my eyes) being playful at age isn't
wrong, but to try to look 20 years younger and behaving like it,
someone someday will tell.
The reaction when a night in town goes
pear shaped is like one just hitting puberty. Nice contradiction,
looking for older, behaving like a child and not being able to follow
what he deems is normal, or correct, why didn't you call when you
told me you would, well why didn't you? And there will be no answer
to that, I still love him for who he is, you just have to know him
and not expect to much when demanded, only be prepared to talk about
the disappointments of love now and than.
So this is love, the love of a friend.
When it comes to loving the one you want to be more with when
together, I do have my shopping list, problem is so does he. The one
where I want to lean over and be caught, and not hitting the pavement
with a big smack. He needs to add to my life in a way my friends do
and something more. He should be here when I need him, like my
friends and some days more. He needs to listen, like my friends, and
listen some more. He should be al my friends are plus a bonus.
Looking at my friends and family I have all that, so who ever he is,
he should be aware there is much for him to life up-to.
Like spring or summer a breeze is
sometimes welcome, but in the right moment so we can not complain,
yes about the weather, now that is a challenge.
It should be like music, my song is out
their, a simple one, he should make us into a symphony......
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