One
stereotype
of
gay men is that they are all fit, well dressed, good looking, and
rich. Of course this isn’t true of all gay men, but the stereotype
does emerge from the many gay men that seem to put inordinate effort
into making themselves perfect in every achievable way. Spending a
lot of time at the gym, at work, or striving for the best grades in
school. I have often wondered what drives these ambitions and what
are the psychological costs of striving for perfection?
Recent
research reveals the ways in which many young gay men display
impressive resilience in the face of challenges inherent to managing
a stigmatizing, personal secret in isolation from an early age.
Rather than being passive victims of stigma, young gay men show
ingenious ways to preserve their self-esteem despite threats to it.
Seeking self-esteem through being “the best” represents a
creative adaptation to stigma, albeit one that may eventually come at
a personal cost, especially if the strategy has outlived its original
usefulness.
So
lets say after all the effort you might simple be too late to enjoy
it all, so why not achieve a little less and live a little more. On
the other side I notice people around me who think that by just
looking good and being desirable the other half should bring all that
in to a relationship, what would or could we call them? They want it
all, and really think that shaping a body is worth so much more,
true, they do not have much time left do develop their brain after
all these hours in the gym. Not that I, not a gym type, worked
extensively on my brain, in both departments I can be a bit to lazy,
I am more a observer type, and maybe lucky enough to have reached an
age, where going to the gym is mere and simply healthy.
Men
of my age are still all over on dating sites and places where
cruising doesn't mean I am on a big boat. It makes me laugh when they
still use young, or sporty in their profiles, they really think that
the youngsters who are targeted (most of the time) don't look at
their leather like faces? There is a border between being fit at age,
or just starving yourself skinny to present a “fit” picture. It
shows that not only young man are busy to challenge mother nature.
We, “oldies” are for sure doing our bit too.
In
the middle there's this place where we all look after ourselves, and
make the best possible, I have no problem with that, just do not
forget to enjoy and relax while working on “you”.
Yesterday
I called one person a man, the other a boy, even though they are off
similar age, but there is a difference, that when you know them it
makes sense to call them man or boy. Although both still playful when
it comes to the other halve, but one is observant too and learns from
playing where the other just wonders if there's a little space for a
second round. Yes, both of them enjoy the sex, they go for the
satisfaction, the hunt and the pleasure. One is realizing it is a
moments thing, where ass the other secretly, unknowing is waiting to
make something good and hot into a more long-term thing, even when it
should only be casual. They are both dear to me, and I study them,
talk with them even laugh about their escapades. Its fun to see them
both in this environment, evolve more or just a little over the last
period. They provide me with much food for thought, humour, and a
vision into the life of youngsters I did not have before. They
actually provide the stuff for my blog, and make me think about my
own dating life, before, now and who knows even the future. Its great
to have friends in different stages of their lives, and observe,
learn and secretly write about it.
My
blog, my mirror, friend, silent companion, good for many a serious
thought, word or mere a page full of crazy ways to look upon the
world around me. My mood can make me a daily visitor, writer or keep
me from it for months. Now a period where writing is a bless and I am
creating order in my sometimes to fuzzy brain. Not having a real
summer at the moment is the other part of the equation. Together with
a lack of romance of course, which is always good for a break in
blogging, or sometimes creates a mere book of words. For now I am
contempt with what is happening around me and with me, things are
changing and I have no clue as to where it will end. Satisfied with
the peace at the moment, that’s what I can say about it.
Romance
another thing that needs work, nothing seems to come by nature any
more. What in the end is human related romance? Now that’s a thing
to think about. Trying hard to remember when the last time was,
someone looked me in the eye, and wasn't thinking about a sexual move
that moment, but just looked at me with “love”. No there's a
shocker, I have absolutely no clue, was I not paying attention, or
have I really forgotten what it looks like. Cuddling is now something
you can do with friends, and I like resting my head on their lap, or
belly while enjoying a pick nick or a lazy afternoon at the
waterfront or a lounge seat somewhere cosy. Also something I haven't
done recently but they are more frequent than the moments where I
felt the love connection. Looks like I am being to be satisfied with
the relax and friendship moments, life without the sexual and mental
tension of love. Again it seems that love is a thing close to a job.
Is it ever going to be easy?
On
the other hand if it would be easy, I would not write a blog, I
think, this, among other things keeps my mind busy, and me wondering.
I would otherwise fall and perhaps drown in silence and boredom,
which should never happen.
A
daydream lets me just think of romance wanted and this single moment
where there is just his eyes only looking at me, where I feel I am
his, his everything......
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