What makes a boyfriend

Yesterday I took the time and attempted to write a love letter, don’t know if it made sense but overnight I started to think about what next? What would my man have to be as a boyfriend, not aiming at the appearance but more the qualities, so I researched a little within the terms and brainwaves I like to have about relationships? Started with the plain listing of facts, writing them down and after that made my comments. Damn that took some time but I think I did a good job. To be completely honest I had to look into the mirror a few times and ask myself: “really?”.

It might not be perfect or even far from it but I think I grasped the basic, in the end it made me think a little bit more. Maybe tomorrow I might think of looks, I think I could make a nice one out of combine part of my friends, they are individuals with attractive features and not only on the outside. Well hell that’s the reason for becoming a friend. But first my “boyfriend thoughts”. I must admit I had to laugh a few times. So here we go:

A great boyfriend isn’t easy to find. And even if you do find him, almost always, he’s already in someone else’s arms. But have you ever wondered what really separates an average boyfriend from a great one? Well, there are a few qualities and traits that can help you figure that out. All of us have flaws, and it would be silly to believe that we’re all perfect. But almost always, these flaws aren’t really flaws. Sometimes, it’s just ignorance. A guy may just not know what another man likes, even if he tries to understand him or please him.

There’s the potential of a great boyfriend in every guy, if only he chooses to reflect within and turn himself into the man of your dreams.

If you have to look for the one big quality that makes a good boyfriend, it would be his will to communicate with you and understand you.

Relationships are built on communication and understanding.

If you’re dating a guy and even if he seems perfect to begin with, time can reveal cracks and flaws, differences and resentments, between the both of you.

Of course, now and then, no matter how hard you try to make a relationship work (remember it is not your second job in life!) with a boyfriend, he may just be too stubborn or unwilling to change. And in circumstances like these, it’s always better to just let go and find someone you find more compatible. (Sometimes you have to pick the car with the comfortable seats)

A great boyfriend loves talking to his man. He has interesting things to talk about even when there’s nothing new. And most importantly, he wants to understand you and he wants you to understand him. (Although silence can sometimes be so damn nice)

He’s active and has a fun life of his own. A great boyfriend is almost always a great guy too. He has an active social life, and gets along with people easily. He’s likable and has a warm aura about him that draws people to him. (Not too many and not too often, I want some attention too)

A guy may woo a man until he accepts to date him. (Ever been perfectly wooed? Please tell me all about it) But some guys take it easy as soon as they get the man. Don’t date a guy who takes a back seat and expects you to do all the work as soon as he wins your heart. He won’t change for you because he’s too self-centered and selfish. (Amen)

A great boyfriend is one who sees you, and knows you well. If a guy loves you and finds you fascinating, he’d be observant and would easily recognize something new in you.

Does your boyfriend ask you about your life every day? A good boyfriend is always interested to hear about his man’s life and the things he does every day. (Please give me a break sometimes!) It just means he misses you so much, and hearing about your day makes him feel like he hasn’t missed a moment of your life! (Nice thought but a bit cheesy in the end, I think)

He doesn’t pressurize you into doing something you don’t want to do. He may advice you and may try to convince you about why he believes something is right, but he won’t try to manipulate you or threaten you into doing something he wants you to do. (In my case the gym, that’s always been a breaking point, I decide when I think I am in the mood for some healthy torture!)

When two people love each other, they can’t help but try to bring out the best sides in each other. If your boyfriend loves you, he’d constantly try to motivate you and help you achieve your full potential instead of telling you that you’re incompetent or can’t do something. (I admit when I am not capable of doing something, over time I found my strong and weak points, love the initiative though)

A good boyfriend would always try to impress your friends and your family, even if he can’t get along with a few of them, because he wants them to believe he’s a great guy worthy enough of dating a sweet man like you. (Poor man, with my friends that’s a job for life, unless you make the perfect chocolate mousse)

No matter how busy he is or how occupied he is, he always makes time for you. He could sacrifice his sleep or stay up longer, but he’d want to be with you at least for a few minutes or hours. And that’s not because you’re nagging him, but because he misses you and your touch. (He better!)

He doesn’t ogle at other man in front of you. He never speaks about you in bad light to his friends.

 A great boyfriend is one who has goals in life and works towards achieving them. He doesn’t bitch and moan about how unfair life is. Instead, he grabs life by the horns and tries to make something great out of it.

A guy may be stubborn when it comes to his ambition and his determination, but he should never be stubborn when it comes to making decisions or making life plans with his man. Compromises and sacrifices are a part of making a relationship work in the long run. (These times it seems to be easier just to give up and move on to the next, there is an app for it I am sure)

He’d be willing to do something with you even if he hates it, if only to make you happy, especially if it means a lot to you.

A good boyfriend may want to spend all his time with you, but at the same time, he’d still give you the space to pursue your own dreams. As much as he loves you and misses you, he’d still want you to have a life of your own.

He goes out of his way to make you feel loved, by indulging in romantic gestures and words. He loves you and never ceases to show his love for you in little ways.

He grooms himself when he comes to meet you because he wants to look good in your arms. He even works out and stays fit because he respects you and wants to look his best for you. (And this list goes both ways so there is me hitting the gym, damn stupid lists)

A perfect boyfriend initiates and maintains an active sex life. He’s innovative and tries to keep sex fun because he realizes that sex is just as important as love in a happy romance.

He doesn’t backtrack on his words. He makes promises and keeps them. He’s in control of his life, and has firm principles in life.

Insecurities and doubts always have a way of cropping up in a relationship when there are secrets or lies. A great boyfriend doesn’t give you any opportunity to doubt him, and communicates with you frankly and avoids lying or keeping secrets that may affect the relationship. (Not easy in the gay life, but it is possible)

Dating a lonely guy may mean he would have a lot of time to spare for you, which may seem like a good thing. But if he’s abandoned or avoided by the rest of the world, there’s probably a good reason behind why no one gets along with him. Maybe he’s antisocial or needy, or perhaps he’s a manipulator or an aggressive guy. If the guy you’re dating is lonely, be wary before falling too deep in love with him, or you may end up feeling like a caged bird in no time.

A good boyfriend doesn’t think he’s a know it all. He’s always willing to hear you out and listen to your point of view completely before taking a decision, especially if the decision involves the both of you. (Note to self; need to work on that one)

A guy may seem like a great boyfriend initially. But as the months pass by, he may start to subtly and deviously control you one step at a time. If you notice even the slightest signs of controlling behavior in him, speak with him about it so he can change before it’s too late. 

A great boyfriend stays in touch all the time, and keeps you updated about his life. He doesn’t see the need to be secretive, nor does he avoid your calls when he goes out with his friends at night. (And you should not try to call him that often to check)

For you, he’s an open book and never ignores you or shuts you out of his life.

If your boyfriend really does love you and sees a future with you, he’d place you above everything else in his life. You’re the most important thing in his life, and everything else just takes second place.