We are
somewhere between mid-winter and spring and it seems not only nature
is a little depressed, I have my own swing at it. After a long time
coming it has arrived. My mind is tired and aches.
Always
thought I could skip this thing, have happy thoughts and move on, but
there comes a time this mental train will stop at your station. Well
hello! Get on board we will be moving on........ think I missed the
express, this feels more like a steam train, a lot of steam and no
clear views.
Luckily
I am aware that steam is only temporary it will disappear and the
horizon will be back, so for the moment I might not see all I want to
see, but at least I can see my feet and I know where to put them so
not to stumble and fall over, for the road ahead there are the
helping hands of my friends. In all life isn't that bad!
With
some spare time on my hand, and no pressure other than the one in my
cooker, I have all the time to catch up on movies and books (no not
only my cook books) and I have noticed that I am dreaming a little
more, might be the medication but it does happen.
When
nothing is said and less is done during the day I notice I actually
enjoy not talking to someone for a day, I can hear my thoughts more
clearly, might I discover what truth 'think before you speak” is
all about?
I am not
without talk or even stories from my friends discovering their world,
so I do have stuff to keep the grey matter busy ( I wonder if my
braincells come in fifty shades too?)
it feels
great to talk with them years apart and still we understand each
other like brother and sisters, that’s the warm feeling needed in
these grey days. My “little brother” in the south and “Tarzan”
here in the north, they do make for some stories and things to think
about.
When
they say;”a picture paints a thousand words”, I wonder if the
person thinking of this ever wrote a thousand words about it, did
they?
Looking
at my “jungle out there” friend, tall, fit and handsome, I do
paint a mental picture, and maybe while writing this I have used a
thousand words to tell his story, but I did have a thousand the first
time I noticed him. Nor did I ever think we would get along the way
we do now. Than I noticed youth, a smiling face, eyes that sparkled
the way a young man should be heading out in the world, well we were
actually about to go on a barge to be pulled through the Amsterdam
canals. While on the boat for a few hours I had plenty of time to
have a good look around, and felt the energy of the people on the
boat and the crowds ashore, a happy canal-pride was the result.
Now Mr.
Adventure and I talk about all kind of things, and while he goes out,
twisting a knee in a jacuzzi or swinging from a chandelier, he talks,
I listen and give it my twist, the fifty ways of gay. He makes for
these moments where a smile can hurt and a my brain skips a few
corners. This is a situation where words paint a thousand images, I
think in pictures. Over the year I have found that I love to hear his
little moments travelling the great gay trail, sometimes wishing I
had to possibilities when I was his age, but equal times thinking;
god I am happy not to have these doubts, ideas or mishaps be it in
the jacuzzi or on a swing. Being “Tarzan”, “Dr. Hump-a lot”,
or what ever name I sometimes give him, by talking I unravel the
world according to my brainfarts...... it makes it a more pleasant
one to walk. Being twice his age I sometimes have to think twice as
hard where to place it in my mind or how I can use this in a blog,
because he, and not only he, rattle the little cage that is stuck
upon my shoulders.
Apart
from the “exotic” stories we talk about us and we have no
boundaries, we truly are like brothers, open, direct and we listen,
listen in the way you do to understand, learn or advice. Not every
word is being reflected but I am happy I can listen and he listens,
or rather they do, it makes my life a lot nicer because of them.
We do
have priorities in life and we value some people more than others,
and I have learned to be honest in these things. Friends do come into
your life to add, sometimes they are suppose to leave and others are
here to stay, the ones leaving are just making space for the ones you
haven’t met yet.
I might
not see everything at the moment, but I am not worried, my friends
know where to look when I can not, so I can feel secure in the fog!
Thanks guys!
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