the day did not start as promised a few clouds were hindering the sun from making the most of it. with one week left in this place it was time for some cleaning and laundry, so perfect timing for me. lately at night the temperature does make a dip and even for me it becomes fresh. or did i get use to the spanish climate to much?
while sitting outside my favorite cafe by now i was sorting through some emails and checking the social media sites to see if i had missed some important things, guess what, i didn't. no surprise here, life just goes on.
it is a nice change from the warm weather and i know i should not complain it is in fact a holiday but for one day i would like to do the household stuff without streams of water on my back or legs who haven't originated under the shower.
the wind direction has changed and you can even smell a change is going to happen, the wind never lies. i think it is safe to say i made a few new friends and they keep me on my toes. with some conversation is possible through google translate others are done in german and english and they run a bit more smoothly i must say. where ever you are if you use a gay-app you can find trouble, pleasure or maybe a true friend for the future. one thing stays the same, you have to go through some weird ones, but that is attached to the apps and by knowing it you are aware of things about to happen. luckily or unluckily depending on what you are looking for age is a friend or a strong enemy. for me the age is not such an important thing although i noticed that talking to the youngsters it is most of the times a surprise for them not to recognize the hunter in me. for the bigger picture i like to communicate and learn, every young person is on average the same everywhere i have been. the older they get the weirder they sometimes become, i hope that doesn't include me. so when i start talking to one and the conversation has a good start i don't mind what we are talking about, bananas, cars, love or just the afternoon standard chat. its fine with me, and it tells me which of these persons i would like to meet to truly get to know them for now and hopefully into the future. the internet can be good and bad, just as the guy behind the keyboard.
although i have been here before spain still manages to surprise me, almost everyday i see a little thing that just points out Dorothy is no longer in Kansas. no, no i'm not waiting for the witch of the west...... or a prince on a white horse. just a person with a functioning brain a good chat en humor. even with the sometimes present language barrier i manage well here in this country. more as at home here appearances are not telling me who or what the person is, at home i am much more judgmental, and i know i should not do that, it's a bad habit that grew into a reflex. something to safe time i think, and why i am in a rush i hope it has nothing to do with me getting older, but i need to be triggered. some do and some (if not most) don't, and i am aware that that is not fair but my crazy mind works like that. with my own imperfections i should not but my nature does, and sometimes i do get it wrong and i have to admit and adjust, but overall i safe time and energy. lately my life has been to hasty and i need to put the breaks on and reflect, on many a matter i think. my military background and upbringing makes me to want to control too much. rarely do i hand over the control to another person in order to wait and see what happens. yes, yes, i know and i am trying but i have had my face on the ground one time too many and loosing control not so easy, you go and try! here in the south i am now handing over some of these things to see what happens, i have a functioning mind so when things seem to go too crazy i can always step back, i am not on a merry-go-round so there is a way out if i want to.
tomorrow i will be practicing english with friends on the beach in order to get them prepared for their oral exam, and it feels good to be able to help them as they are always ready to get me out of trouble or from one place to another. what little help i can offer, they deserve it.
work also showed its head and i had to get some things done in order to get things going, and again the ugly machine showed how slow government can be. they can truly drive me crazy. nothing seems to easy, everyone needs to say something, just nod and let me finish. over the last months i think i showed i can stay within limits and handle it. by next week i hope thins are on a roll and we are getting the plans done as i would like to see the unfold.
much like love, government can be a pain in the you know where. fortunately i must say i do not get paid according to my love-life, i fear i would be bankrupt by now. last week i was questioned, or rather grilled about my love-life and the future of it. do i actually think there will be one? man i had easier questions. but it made me talk with someone and we had a good one, no i do not know about that future, i am already glad i think i am still open to one. not in a rush, not even at my age. now this sounds like i am a dinosaur, but that feeling is a long way off i can tell you. for the moment i just don't feel that my head is ready for another go. i need to reflect and look back and try to find the common factor why so much has gone pear-shaped, some i do know. for myself i just want a break to see where my road is heading, to heaven or la la land, who would be able to show me where the border is, i seem to have lost my bearing, but about to be back on track i think (and hope), just give it time and space to develop.
for now i am going to put the laundry out and wish you all a good night and good mental health!!!
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