How long does your memory last?

Here all alone, with nothing to remind me of you, the things that have been, and still it feels there's something like a shadow still here.

How much of an impression does one have to make to leave “something” behind, its there but you can not touch, something doesn't let you go. Is this what we want when we are not looking for the “love that will last”.

Going through the motion of life, when we act or react it leaves an imprint, be it good or bad, short or ever lasting.

Like catching the perfume in the wind, seeing a familiar thing in a blink of an eye. When do these things become important? When do and want we to remember?

Waking up, having breakfast and having your mind already working harder than your ipad, just trying to get your thoughts in to clear perspective and in logical order. Over the years it has become a routine and you don't recognize that you are getting mentally tired. Not noticing the shift in balance, only when things already have changed you notice. The desires are shifting in the other direction and what was an instinct now becomes an active planned thought. Your mind and body on a adventure, sometimes separated and sometimes in harmony.

Your youth playing tricks on you, as your mind is years ahead, still not capable of today controlling every thought and instinctual behaviour, even if you want so much clarity in all things human. You are just a man, in a young guys body, so why regulate? Its a good start not putting your boxers on your head and your shirt around your waist.

Look in the mirror, not only for the weekly shaving session, but look at you and where you are today. You have achieved so many things, and already had some lessons in life. So why the rush? We can talk about Karma (which can also be a bitch), the stars, the direction of the flowing river, but in the end its the naked you. Because that is who you are, all your natural parts and bits, in there is the heart that makes you tick. It might not be perfect, not to you or to many others. This is what you are dealt with, so get your things together, hide your “specials”, in the clean cotton light blue boxers (because they make you look even more tasty. You better check and get out into the world.

So what will it be today? The prince, the pauper, the jungle or a vegetarian pizza? You might want to go over your calender for the week, you might have missed a clue. Had your hormonal check this morning while you were counting your abs. Is it going to be an action day, than we need to show the GI-Joe effect or are we going for a round of cuddles? Good you haven't shaved your chest so we can also go for the teddy bear guy. A hug a cuddle and a well planted kiss when saying goodbye and until next time. Yes, you are the man, ready for it, just not taking into account that for the more complicated relationship, you are not the only one holding the cards. Bugger, this can not be arranged via Outlook invitations and set agenda's. Need to work on that (as if you can, duhhhhhh).

These things suppose to be simple, when you have watch the girly romance movies, where you get the guy in around 90 minutes. Well “HELLO”, Dr. Doolittle, its time to wake up (again) you can not be gay without drama. It comes with the genes. You might avoid it or not give into it and walk away, but like loosing weight on a diet, it knows where to find you!!!

try a little less hard to have everything go planned to perfection, have things happen, and I know, when you are that organized it is not a easy thing to handle some of the control to the other party. In the end you are not playing a match here, other than when it is your fetish, but that aside. If you are liking the bit on the side to get some steam out of the system, that’s great, but are you truly not drifting in the moments just after? Wanting something, what ever it may be? Close your eye and think, what gives me this tinkle, these goosebumps? When do I want them and why? Are you ready for the bigger game, or are other things in life make you want to look for another to be able to share, maybe even give you comfort security because a big thing you can't control is putting you of your game a little?

All is fair in love and war, but what does love give when a war is just around the corner? This compared to a burst of hormones on a cotton sheet?