To start
I must admit that this idea was handed to me, but a good one to get
started to organize my thoughts. Maybe I should really attempt to
write more when my head gets filled with to many thoughts in a too
busy period.
When you
are busy with someone else’s problems, and a too busy schedule the
“silent hours”, just before you fall asleep are filled with too
many thoughts to process. Sure I tried to sit down and get my
thoughts digitalized but every time I parked my butt on the seat
either the phone rang or I had a river of endless text messages.
Before you know the thoughts are gone, or even worse lost.
Insecurity,
perception, reality we all find it in the mirror sometimes, and we
start out own little discussion, this is the moment where we can talk
to ourselves without someone storming in and asking questions; “are
you ok?”.
So what
were we looking for in the reflection? An image that pleases us, or
just checking if we are still as handsome as yesterday? What ever I
look for, I need to shave that’s certain. A friend told me what he
noticed that morning, he doesn't need to love himself the way he
looked, its up to the other one to appreciate it, to begin with and
love it if it's to be so later. He probably never heard of: “beauty
is in the eye of the beholder”. He should have but he is forgiven,
I can only wonder what he has been seeing till that summer morning. I
know what I am seeing when I look at him, but to him that should not
be important. But he was right in realizing that some one else should
look at him and think “wow”, that deserves a closer look. He
already knows that to me his above the average, for so many other
things than just his looks. The wrapping is pleasing for the eye,
true, but like a good quality chocolate the taste and the almost
ultimate pleasure from the lingering of the taste is so much more.
The age difference is part of how we see each other or ourself, be
it in the mirror or as a person. When he goes on the hunt it truly is
a jungle out there. Tarzan may be out there, but also King Kong,
funny thing, they both fall in love with a screaming blond. Irony?
Who knows....... when the bush drums call we all gonna hum the old
song: “the lion sleeps tonight”, but does he? The digital lion,
otter or wolf, depending on the scene. No, its never going to be
easy, admit that would take the fun out of it, and make many
psychiatrist poor little jobless persons. We need to take care of
each other, it's a jungle, so Tarzan were are we swinging to next?
Does your heart beat like a drum? Baloooh is out there, so is Jane,
so keep your eyes open. It's not like a walk on the beach, and even
that can make you doubt who you are and how you are being rated in
and out swimwear.
The sun
is out and looking at people is a lot more fun. If I break out into a
sweat I can always blame the heat, not my hormones..... I love
summer. Hormones these funny little things, at a certain age they
give you hot flashes because they are shutting down some functions,
other moments because other parts are suddenly awaken, and they don't
care if it suits you or not. A jungle out there and inside of us,
what an amazing thing the human body. Looking in my mirror I still
see something I was never happy with but I learned to accept it as on
the other hand I also dislike much of the action I need to do or
actually not do, to get it into a public accepted shape. In the past
I had boyfriends who were of perfect shape, looks but not always
intelligence, yes the looked good, tasted even better but in the end
my mind went hungry..... when it rumbles in my stomach I am annoyed
but when my brain starts sending signals, more and more things are
just popping-up to tell me; “its time to move on”, next!!!!!
being
single isn't that bad, and when I turn in for the night, with this
heat, I am actually glad I have nothing next to me heating me up.
When Tarzan and King Kong are on a date, I am happy for them, and
somewhere down the line I listen to the adventures, not in to much
detail. They are brain food, and I am always hungry there. My life
never gets bored actually, even during summer leave here there's
enough out there that knows how to reach me, and because of the
sunshine most of the stories are about adventures or moments at the
beach or pool. I wonder if Tarzan going to be upgraded to Indiana
Jones, even in the jungle he sounds more like a beach bum, not so
much “swinging on it till dawn”, thanks to Will and Grace for
that one, it still makes me laugh. Reminds me to pop in a few
episodes to relax at night. The world needs to pass me by for a few
days when I return home. Focus on the job at work and when I return
home I wanna chat with friends but other than that sit in the garden,
relaxing in the evening sun and the light breeze coming from the sea.
A simple garden has become paradise again to me. My little haven, the
village and my house. Truly a place I call home.
In a few
weeks when most of the staff have returned from where ever they went
for their holidays I will leave for Spain, for my 3 weeks home away
from home. Like all the other I mention that it is time for a well
deserved holiday, but lately I do believe I have more than earned it.
When my friend told me he and his family would not be there when I
arrive, I thought of not going, but now, I more than welcome being
alone. The “family”will still take care of me, but I can go and
not go when ever I like and where ever I want to, so a trip to the
nude beach is now possible..... I hate white a white bum, and on the
other side it evens out the white areas the tanning bed didn't get.
Tarzan will be left in the urban jungle and I am going to play
Robinson Crusoe, out of the jungle on the white sandy beaches!!! out
and about in the open, clearly not a prey or a hunter, just a
semi-old guy, nothing to hide and only reading a book. A different
adventure.
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