a grey may day

Good morning world, what happened to spring? Is it really going to be only those 2 days of warmth and sunshine we had?

Everything in the garden is growing, but what a weird place it is, some of the plants, flowers are shooting towards the sunshine, however little it is, but a few trees seem to be far from getting luscious green as they should be by now.

I am beginning to wonder if my mood swings are based on my age or the weather..... sure we blame the weather for everything, in my case maybe better.... I am reminded of my age every morning as I try to shave what looks like freshly patterned Zen garden........ with a very heavy rake.

To many waves upon this pond..... it is truly a part of getting older, but in the end it is what I feel on the inside that counts, just such a shame my outside doesn't reflect my inner twenties.

Observing the young around me, whether in my inner circle of friends or in the small world around me I sometimes wonder, is my wish to be thirty again such a good thing?

Some of my friends are in the “happy” age bracket between 20-30, but are they so happy? I wonder, with all the things happening in this world.

Where I first thought it was only one of them having troubles with finding the one to love and have a meaningful relationship with, I now notice that more than half of them long for it, look for it, and and when it doesn't happen mourn for it by having meaningless sex, just to feel desired again. WTF. Would I like to shout out, what is happening here? Where I thought that 50 is the new 40, this age group behaves like there is no life after 30, I hope this trend doesn't reach me till I am at least 80 and having sex and being desired is just a mere memory. And my problems are not peeing my pants when I cough or sneeze.

Sometimes I tell them I am watching from the sideline when the are on a love-relationship hunt, and will provide a listening ear, and comfort when things go pear shape. Never admit that on a few occasions I was laughing my arse of based on their circus acts in performing the art of dating. They will actually spring through hoops, and are short of being fired from a canon. Not too old to actually remembering when I was that young (or old as they see them selves) I was living my life and it felt like summer most of the time, we went out to meet other people and had fun doing so, the only thing we had was looking in the ads in the paper and write to a postbox to respond on them.

Somehow it almost feels now like writing something in wikipedia about the long gone past, time is really going faster..... or I am sleeping longer. Happy to be able to communicate with the next generation, I do wonder where they get the ideas, and I am truly hoping not from their parents. When I was dating (than) I never felt this pressure, or felt that there should be results within the week. Now when they use a dating app (yes very modern for my age) if there is no answer or a like within a certain time, most of them start to doubt what is wrong with them, hello, what is wrong with society? Within an hour, they wonder if it is their looks, their work, or the not too naked profile picture of their face, maybe they should have showed their skinny frames?

Yesterday one of these dating sites asked me to do a online survey of their site, so I participated. Guess what? It was a long list of questions about sexual activities while using the app or pc-program, in the end to find out if against apple and google policies nude pictures should still be allowed, in order to further satisfy the need of oneself while using the app and browsing profiles within the dating site. So in short, they are providing a digital sexual stimulant program in order to be able to please yourself looking at the person you would be like to be with, or do it too, but you are unable too because of so many of the reasons which are all in your head or you are not as beautiful as press dedicated. And finishing of with a question if I am finding people using the app, generalizing us all to “wankers”, shallow? Hmmm do you really want me to answer this?

Where have we gone wrong and where will we end up?

Well it is, I think, pass my time to worry about it, I am happy to have had a time where romance was not just talked about or stuff for movies and called “so gay”. To actually go on a date to discover and meet a person, not to give a final score if all we see online is truly the one I am meeting.

When we went digital with the world so much improved, but also so much was lost to most of us. I move with the times, when needed, but in my hammock with a book I am relentlessly and old romantic, and loving it!