A new year new chances, new ideas and new hope of winning this lottery that would change everything. In another room my friends are celebrating the beginning of the new year, kinda loud is I might say. But it's the way the Spanish celebrate.
Looking forward to, I have absolutely no clue, and I think it will be best if I keep a very open mind the coming time. To much is changing lately, some at work some in the private every day life.
Things that seem certain are suddenly no longer certain, the country is in a recession but it takes almost everybody with it. Jobs are disappearing and people loose hope in what ever they might had planned a little over a year ago. Yes the world celebrates but in a different way, I noticed at Christmas that there are less and less decorations in the houses or even outside, nobody seemed to be in the mood for Christmas. These winter days felt so much colder and different from all these times before. Still I can remember the days when we went out and danced the night away, OK, I might be a little bit to old to find myself in a dancing but still the fun seem to have almost disappeared. Now I kind of understand what people felt years ago when they talked about the past. They were good times, merely because we forget the bad things and linger on the good times, as one should.
The year here in Spain started foggy and wet, with a light drizzle, indeed it an only get better, but ask me again after we climb out of bed later today...... My friend already told me there be relaxed moments and more food, more food? As if I need more, I already feel like exploding. The party is getting louder and I count myself happy they are not really missing me and I can sit here and write. Next to that I can think undisturbed. There is much to think about when one year ends and the other starts, that is when you are not drunk and passing out.
Not drinking has an advantage, although I'm, to others, not so funny. What they don't get is that I am happy, not in particular because my life is doing so well, but more in general, I have amazing friends and family and next to that I am settling in to being at home, so the fact that I am not happy at work is just a little thing. Work is just giving me the means to have a happy life after working hours.
Being in Spain means being away from home and little troubles there, but my mind is still with some people I do not see everyday. Some I do miss more than others, but I do miss them. My head is finally around the fact that you can love someone madly and know he will never go away, but living together would be more like an every day war as to the lovely home and house play.
It took a while to accept that some things just can't be changed or should not be changed, while others in time will, but by itself and not forced. In personal life you can not be to impatient, and yet, it still happens. In the attempt to be happy we sometimes forget to walk carefully on the selected path ahead. When in love we sometimes handle it like a storm and we sail head on into it. We read so many books and articles, see a mountain of movies all about love and still we have sometimes no clue how to handle our own.
Over the past year I have made some grown-up steps and noticed more about the facts of life, not only the happy ones and suddenly some pieces of the game fell in place and I found myself able to understand them. My husband I might not fully understand, but some facts and partly myself I seem to see more clearly.
Funny the things life puts on your plate sometimes, and its hard to digest sometimes, but in the end I will.
Thanks to good friends and a lot of talking I have been able to really put some things in the past and other in their place. At last I know what falling in love with “the one”, means and that although he might be it for you, you might just not be “it”, to him. There is more to it that I would have ever expected and not in the places I looked or wanted it. But it was and still is there. Not to ever go away, but what ever happens I have the, be it little, satisfaction that I do know what it feels like.
Enough said for this first day of 2012, time to do something else while waiting for the guest to leave so I can get the sofa off my bed and go to sleep........ as I want and in a way need my sleep.
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