into the unknown, well a little

“It seems to me that the real clue to your sexual orientation lies in your romantic feelings rather than your sexual feelings. If you are really gay, you are able to fall in love with a man, not just enjoy sex with him.” ~ Christopher Isherwood

Now this is a quote I like..... It sets the mood perfectly, well for another than the everyday hunter. The last couple of weeks I had to adjust to a different kind of life and had not the opportunity or the mindset to write some of my thoughts.

Back into a rhythm now, well some kind off, but good enough to go and start writing again and get back my mental world. So much has happened and so much has changed.

Retired from my old job, and done this in a great way with family and dear, dear friends. Started my new (part time) one and trying to get that sorted so I can plan things ahead. Still like to have an agenda so I can partially see where my year is going. So far it seems to slowly get into place.

While I was closing one book in life last year I also seem to be opening one, involving a man, and as it appears to be a really nice guy. Having a bit of trouble whether to call him man or boy…. He is for sure at an age where man would be appropriate but his behaviors sometimes makes me forget and on the other hand I must not compare him to the age I am in.

A couple of years divide us, but when we are together at home they simply fade away to find other things, where, in this case I have learned that something’s in life are not as important as we deemed them to be. He visited me for 10 days and it was like going back to school. For starters he is from a different culture (yes, again) and with a significant age gap. That’s only to start with, his manors visions and ideas of the world he and I live in are so apart from each other as we are almost from different planets. To only be non-existent when we are at home, in bed and just us. Where we are in some parts of life fade away when it comes to intimacy, how a simple cuddle can bridge a gap. It’s amazing.

Once I saw him leave through airport security it kind of hit me, I was comfortable with him in a great way. Things I normally would see as a turn off we no longer an issue, because on the human level everything was ok, the differences were reduced to just a tilt of my head and the thought; ”who gives a fuck”, I drove home with a big smile on my face, and a happy man.

Now we are a few weeks on from that day but still we are going strong, with whatever we have, we decided not to give it a label yet. We are enjoying our moment on skype in the evening. We talk as if we are together during dinner, going over the things off the day.

So yes my life has changed but I am content with what is happening and my old life is settling partly into the memory part of life. There is still much to do, see and experience….. And as a result perhaps more to write… my brain hasn’t stopped trying to explain the world to me.