St. Neptune

beauty in the water angel on the beach, oceans son, i would have wished in 92 for a merman just like you. life is sure a holiday in this heavenly bay. sometimes the ocean holds a secret, and this time i feel like Jaques Cousteau. settled on my towel on the edge of the water and reading a little in my book and trying to get in more spanish words, i looked up and gazed over the water, and than it happened right in front of me. there is handsome, handsomer and this, Neptune's son, where did he come from, and as if he has been reading my blog in the bluest of blue shorts. i was practicing my spanish for an hour and now in a second, boem, lost, forgotten, nada! 

this came out of the water in front of me and not a magazine, neither was i blinded by the sea. where others still remember Bo Derek's moment of coming out of the water, this was just like that. now don't think i was the only one, happily, surprised there was a group of girls walking towards my spot and all five of them stopped and gazed. he came out of the water, tanned, tall and did i say it handsome as hell, looked at us, smiled and in a perfect tone, a honey glazed voice:" hola". never did this word sounded better. can he be on my christmas list? i hope i didn't blush like these girls and god knows who else he surprised with his appearances. in my time i have seen many people but never had something like this appeared out of thin air, this case the water.

This has disney like qualities. the air was already hot on this day, and i just felt the urge to get in the water and cool off, and to see if he has a gay, single, twin. he walked away from us along the waters edge, and disappeared much slower as he showed up. well that sure made my day at the beach.

the rest of the afternoon i tried to concentrate on my little booklet again, let me tell you that was no easy thing to do. somewhat later a nice young woman settled on her towel next to me, also a sharing a quick "hola", and once everything was laid out she grabbed a book and started reading. about a half hour later a guy arrived checking for a spot to put his stuff and enjoy the beach, he walked up ad down this little stretch of beach a few times, probably looking for someone. finally he found a spot, and started to unpack, my god some people take half their possessions to the beach. than came the best (and don't ask me why this always catches my attention) the undressing of the macho spanish body. sorry but i had to laugh a little, he had clearly nested himself in the midst of a group of young woman, as i now noticed. this was a well trained act. sure he looked like a healthy spanish guy, but he hadn't seen our candy from the water. so i caught the eye of my neighbor and could see her smile. (she had no idea what was coming) and we smiled at each other. well the "hombre" was finally in his swimwear (not blue, thank god) turned a few times as if looking for something on his towel, to give us all a good look at him (i did and laughed, silently, almost unnoticeable, like i am) and walked to the water. you recognize someone actually liking the sea and ready to get in or just to show off, in waters a little too cold for him. he did his best (poor chap) and managed to do the fastest dive and get the hell out here action. walked slowly back to his spot and than she did it, she gave a little smile. and faster than a bat out of hell he was next to her. a honey sweet, but still misplaced hello and he already sat down next to her. if we could have shouted for help this was the moment, even i a few meters away could see the panic in her eyes. Sorry darling, you smiled. the conversation started and i must say from what i understood he did know what he was doing, a example ready smooth talker. now this is my stuff, observing, and this was the next best thing as i hadn't seen a good show in days. he moved in slowly, very clever and she was telling in body language to be left alone, in a very gentle way. but this must be a spanish guy at his best,arrogant and focussed. i had a quick look around and noticed the other young ones looked very relieved he had picked her and not them. poor, poor woman. he was talking and talking and left her only room in the conversation for only the littlest moments and words. (he was actually very good and focussed on what he was doing, wondered if he is a car salesman) but hombre, if a woman acts like she does, turning her head away, glancing over the sea, looking in her book casually, not making eye contact; "she is clearly not into you!!!!!". but did that stop him, hell no, he stepped up a little, grabbed her book and read a little, was he actually trying to convince her and the rest of us he ever read a book? other than the manual to "the perfect slimy Don Juan"? this went on for a good part of an hour, i felt that i needed a short dive in the water to cool off, ad i think he needed one too, he was going in overdrive. so i left had a dip and came back, just in time to see him get up en leave her. she immediately turned on her belly and actually dove back in her book. she noticed me and let me tell you the impression on her face, it wasn't a happy one. gringo was back on his towel, in the shade of his "sombrillo" and had a grin on his face, really? you actually think you scored? to bad my spanish isn't good enough to make a slight remark, just loud and rude enough for him to notice. ok, he gets a point for arrogant trying. finally he packed up, after a swirl in slow motion to give the ladies one more look at the merchandise. and just as my friendly neighbor was about to express relieve, he walked up to her and wrote his phone number on a piece of paper (my god, he came prepared) and smiled a last time at her and walked away, like he was floating on air, too sure of his prey. even now i wonder how she managed, managed not to throw up. what she did when he was out of side is immediately brought the little piece of paper to the bin. turned around and with a big smile nodded at me and enjoyed the rest of the afternoon. when she packed up i got a smile and a hasta luego, how nice, now she found some one not interested, but after an afternoon like this i am not going to tell her. she has the right to some nice moments. this was truly a afternoon on the beach worthy to be in a blog. and the day wasn't even over yet! after i cooled of, and the outdoors did as well i went for a little stroll and some shopping, my very friendly guide asked me to join him and a friend for drinks but i was on my way to get some food so i said no thanks. he has his holiday too, and as happy i am with all the help and kindness of my spanish family they should pursue their lives too. the effects of a holiday spend well are all to clear to me now, so he should be able to relax too and not to worry about me, and i am good to whatsapp when in need of help.

later on i ended up at the bar where the drinks are great and the wifi strong, posted my blog of the last day and zipped from my wine, this is the only country that has a white wine i actually like. on the table next to me there was another merman trying to read a very heavy novel in english with a dictionary at hand. hopefully he is not trying to get through Otello or so. while i read the news at home i could see him getting into trouble, i would gladly help him out here, but i afraid with a book of this size even our conversation needs help, so hay with wifi and google translate (warning dear reader, never ever use that to date, god knows where you end up). it seemed to be the day for merman, they passed by in bunches that day, but i have to admit, there was only one son of Neptune, and i will never forget that moment, it is carved into my memory for ever. so this thursday was official now St. Neptune day! now i have a year until the next one and lets see if i can come up with a plan to celebrate.

thanks to wifi and a beautiful summer night i also chatted away with my friends at home, never thought i would embrace this technology this much. Prince Charming was also on a role, collecting dates like it is going out of fashion (god bless) and planned a whole weekend of sex and rock and roll in the hay, so to say! he knows to amaze me and also is a little predictable, but we decided that that is fitting in his growing up period.(he only gets one try, at the candy bar) soon he is to be shipped off to far away places where there is a war, and to get relaxed,this is probably his way for now. for me, i can only hope to get some more stories to think about and maybe blog again. food for thought this one. he is a little of a son of Neptune too, the one going through puberty! 

after a long and interesting day it is time to spend some tie in my birthday suit, wash the day ad the sand away and climb into bed to get ready for another day in the place close to heaven.

sweet dreams, and thanks Neptune, you made my day (and it didn't smell fishy)

Roll up your pants amigo

another beach day over and i feel even more rested than yesterday, i can hardly believe that would even be possible, but the proof is here blogging. great day after a few hours sleep i woke up to the sound of the churchbells, telling me it was 10, so just about time to get up and do something. although it felt nice to stay in bed just that little longer.

breakfast done and changing the sheets of the bed so i was ready for some beach time, well deserved i think. i just arrived at my spot and to my suprise three blue shorts walked by, and yet again carried by worthy species of the male kind. they settled down not far from me, and within minutes walked to the waters edge to put their hands in the water, tell each other that it was very cold and than almost simultaneously run their wet hands through their hair. turned around and went back to their island of towels, while walking rolling up their shorts and tugg it in along the legs, so that they ended up with something that somewhat resembled a speedo..... to get the maximun exposure of course. why not just wear a speedo gentleman? that still seems to be not done, we rather walk in a diper like short, and no, sure you do not look like a big baby, think again amigo.

its fun to watch the young ones, and listen, even though they speak spanish, i still know what it is about when one talks about Durex Ultra. i was all smiles. indeed somethings are truly universal. after a while i put my headphones back on and relaxed in the somewhat very warm sunshine (not to say hot) with refreshings dips in the ocean in regular intervals. Keep moist and cool!!! 

later on the day i met my friend for coffee and a short talk, i was to tired to concentrate on spanish and i was a little angry that for a third year in a row my sunglasses f-up, call them ray-ban, its the first pair of the worthless line i must say, my regular ones are much better and are just as old. this model is not going to make history. so of i went to buy glue and repair what little there was to repair, they have to survive a good 2 weeks. so off i went with my super-glue. by now i am glad i didn't get stuck to the sink, as always when you are busy with lifes strongest glue, the phone rings, someone slams a door and the microwave pings. Grrrrrrrrr. But i managed and my fingers were not glued to each other or something and my glasses are hopefully holding on. I only have a layer on the skin of two finger tips (not attached to each other i would like to mention here), not too bad i thought. i had a light dinner at home and off we went to another bar for drinks. here the wifi worked so i ended up sitting there for a couple of hours chatting away to friends old and new while drinking my wine and watching the sunset, the TV over my head switched on to the football game wasn't even disturbing, i am truly on holiday!! for years i walked by this spot on my way to the beach and never sat down, i made good for that today and will probably the coming weeks. great wine and strong wifi, what more can i want? love when a holiday comes together!!! i even forgot the glue moment untill i sat down to write. the table next to me is occupied with 2 young spanish man of which one took the effort on putting a pair of blue shorts, just for me! (not mentioning the amazing pair of legs showing). chatting to each other and watching the soccer game. raising their voices only to shout about a goal or the posibility of one. But hey, i was chatting away and sometimes glanced at the TV not to give the impression i am not interested about 22 man and a ball. Smile at Diego and his friend (mum just passed by and called his name) to agree on hs comments (what so ever) about the game or a newspaper article when he raised his voice. i might even try some facetime here, and let somebody else in a far far away, and probably cold place know that i am doing well here in the south (where you can walk in shorts till way after midnight). this should be a "kodak moment view spot", Diego (and amigo) in the front, palm trees, the beach, the ocean, harbour lights and in the distance the dancing lights of the anchored sailing boats, add to that the sound of the waves, which i can still hear even sitting under the TV. now i had to pay more attention to my friends online as i was chatting on whatssapp, facebook chat and messenger. don't wanna tell the wrong person the things they maybe should not know (yet) or give them an answer that absolutely makes no sence to them. i managed to do so and simultaneously chatted to friends in holland, england and brazil at the same time. the wind picked up, i paid my bill and made my way home, slowly as it was this breeze from the ocean that drove the heat away. half way home i locked eyes with another of the local Juan's and he even turned around smiled and gave me a "hola!", well how nice! now i am about to finish my drink at home and get eady for bed. tomorrow i might use a my spot at Macao Taperia to blog there, i will anyhow post this blog. Good night world, it was a great day, for me, as i understand somewhere else war maybe just about to happen. Take care out there!

I am no superman or campervan

you thought i was superman and not a superminivan, i was listening to some music when this came to my attention. it made me laugh. what do you see in me, life is no holiday, even if it might feel like that at the moment.

i keep on enjoying the days away from home, and feel at home somewhere else. i am out and about with my friends and notice that their english is getting worse at night like my spanish, after a day communicating in different languages for the both of us i think we are alowed to get tired in the evening, and we still try our best but this time with the help of google translate. its good we are not dating that would have resulted in many strange things. we do have fun and it seems the conversation is getting away from the how are you phase. we are truly evolving. still glad though that i found an other english speaking person to communicate with and befriend. it makes for ome relaxed conversations. 

offcourse i love my friends here and i am glad they all try to do their best and make me feel at home and help me everywhere they can, but after a day of spanish, spanglish and hands and feet work its nive to sit back and simply communicate. 

it has been a warm day and amazing on the beach i was goint to go to my wifi spot to post last days blog but my feet are presently killing me. so i will do that later today when i hit the beach. and hopefully have the stomach or energy to post this one completed at the end of today. i just started to write early as i can not sleep yet, my clock is on spanish time and the drumming of the bass from the carnival is still happening. it will probably last another hour, than i will hit the sack and turn in for the night. having a keyboard just makes me want to write, or is it combined with my thoughts going all over the place? do i care? really?

it is funny to see people in search of love going for a second best, gay straight, no matter where it seems to be the same pattern. i use to judge people for doing it, but it is not up to me to do that, i on the otherhand ask them if i feel like it, why? and trust me i am not waiting long nowadays to ask the question. during one of the conversations i was told that he liked the other but his "love" was else where. why do you compomise, well it seems to be simple, sex nothing more noting less. the urge to still be active, needed and tell yourself you are not alone. who is fooling who? and of course i am so blunt to open my mouth, risking to loose a friend, but ay friend of mine knows i do open my mouth and things just come out. do you talk to someone about your feelings? or are you telling yourself everything will be ok over time? i tried it for a while trust me the end is nasty. i was supprised that the honesty did open the conversation a little more. this way i found out that even as things go wrong talk and thoughts are plenty, and i am back to the point i call that relationship work. if it is at that point, ask for money, because pleasure it surely is only when the bed rocks. 

its like asking someone not to laugh when you just learned to dance fall over and break a leg. sure it feels good at first, but the pain and the scar will last. 

things can change that is sure, and there love is no different and it feels so damn good at first. or were simple your pants on fire? please keep on going, so i can think and write. the more you bruise the more interesting life gets and the conversation gets more depth. just do not be too suprised when i smile like there is no tomorrow when we meet again. my mind just jumps into action and i can't help it. time to try to get some sleep, dream and who knows more thought to entrust onto a blog... hasta luego!

Hombre

after a night out with friends and my "brother" i had a short nights sleep and woke u to another sunny day, this is what summer should all be about.

after yet another very good meal at my favorite restaurant we went into town and watch some artist perform. again i noticed how relaxed everything can be in life, enjoying the music, being with friends and if you want to dance, dance your heart out just where you are. in this almost perfect place, that nothing can be completely perfect, family and friends rule. at home i try to have my life a little like this and i cherish my family and my friends, they are the trimmings of my life. the spice of life is even what little adventures i have whereever i go. so far i only have the dolphins in the bay i swam with, by pure luck. from sailing the atlantic i know they are out there, but i never expeted to one day be on a beach take a dip in the (very) cold ocean and be surrounded by 5 of them. i count myself lucky, i was not able to touch them, but the magic of having them swim with and around you and not be scared, feels like the world is ok again. so when i can swim with dolphins there must be hope that friends, family and even i find more than the obvious out there. tomorrow it will be a week since i landed in vigo, and i feel so at ease, its almost a crime. sure i do have my troubled thoughts but here they seem a far cry from what i felt only a few days ago when i boarded the plane. might it be just the holiday feeling? can i opt for the full package please? throw in a nice guy and some "grease" like summer nights, i promise i will not start singing on my balcony any time. or is this just wantig to much?

around me i see friends once in love now seperated, and it feels wrong, to me anyway. when i look at them together there is still this inviceble thing, i won't be so bold to call it love's magic, but they are mysteriously still a item, and i can see the fighting their emotions and habits .whats to say about it? i want to as i feel that one of them has no one to talk to to open the eyes and see what is right in front of them. even in spain love is a mistery. my mind tries to compare so many things to find some sense in the way one has his "tarzan" moments and the ones where so like a love song "love is in the air". i laugh, think and write about both as my mind never seems to be on holiday, and maybe that is a good thing. i am happier now, with this break from all things at home and yet my little grey matter never seems to stop. 

watching a parade go by, all colours of the rainbow and all kind of people, i now understand why over centuries there are so many songs, books and movies made of this little four lettered word. while sipping on my Albareino i look at the people walking by, couples, youngsters and the odd single person, and by just looking at them i can start writing, take the blue short thingy, that never seems to stop. one of the good things here is that people just smile at you for nothing, a simple hello without words. in this little spanish town i have found a place i can call home too. with a smile and youthfull enthousiasm i was greeted on the beach by a very young man, a simple hola! thanks Diego, i might not have understand what the other things were you tried to tell me, but you made my day. he must have been 4 or 5 already looking like a spanish guy who is gonna charm the hell out of the girls once he grows up, keep this fun and stay this way, you will have the world at your feet. he must have very proud parents, one thing i also noticed here, the way parents are with their children. remembering the way the people in Bahrain were here it is simmilar, very close and always out and about. being dutch showed me that although my parents did their best in guiding us on our way, we had a different less close bond with them. 

looking in the mirror i must admit that with every little help and advice from my parents, grand-parents, and true friends i am not doing that bad. and for now i a ready for another night in town, listening to my music watching people and stroll along the beach, light breeze and the sound of the waves over the tunes in my ear. getting a little closer to what i might aybe call a piece of heaven on this thing called earth.

good night world, and take care of all i love and cherish as they truly feel a part of me tonight.

the wonders of a blue short

it has been a few days since i arrived in spain and to my suprise and lso putting a smile on my face blue seems to be the color for boxers, briefs and shorts for the somewhat more handsome man. true there will be the odd one out, but in general it looked good in blue. At the moment i am lost as to when these things came to my attention, probably after a story ot two of one of my friends on man/lust created safari. But where ever it came from it stuck, and it somehow draws my attention everytime i see something blue pass by, and truth must be told most of the time it could be on one of my friends shopping list.

for a few days now i am basking in the spanish sun and enjoying every bit of it. to make writing a little easier on the ipad i got myself a wireless keyboard and writing what little things i have to tell are now a little less complicated as too stroking my ipad for moments on end. true it is a handy invention but when you want to write a little more than short messages or the ood post on facebook a keyboard comes in handy. even though this is a spanish one it makes blogging a lot easier and now i found a free wifi spot i can also post the messages online before i go home in a week or two.

while relaxing on my towel and listening to my music i try to learn a little more spanish and try to drift away a few moments a day while listening to the waves and the music combined. just as i drift there it is: something blue ......... just passing by and in a a second i am back to the blue issue. 

good thing is that it adds to my holiday, funny thoughts and moments to write about. i am here in a part of spain where not many people speak english and my friends who are often with me here are telling that to every shop clerk that even tries to approach me, give me a chance, this way i never learn. dating is a complete different thing, not that i am in need off, i am on holiday remember. but it is fun to use the app and see what happens, i know at my age i should go to a museum and look at dinosaurs. do they have does in spain? or only caveman? in that case it is straight back to man, god you have to love spain. pedro's, Juan en Carlosses enough and the do respond even in a kind of spanglish and it is funny to communicate. i have to move to my free wifi spot to do so but spanish evenings are very nice, so i don't mind sitting outside near the beach to do so. i completely switched off from work and other stuff, sure with internet and a mobile phone you are never far away from anybody, but it feels like heaven here. i do miss my friends but being here alone makes me try harder to speak spanish and practice, who knows what experience a date might bring, i might actually learn something new. for now this is it,have to prepare for a dinner....... but will walk to my wifi spot later and will try to post it! Hasta!!!

Tick tack, do I hear my biological clock ticking?

It has been to quiet lately, in my head, concerning myself, otherwise I have been to busy. It's not to bad, to have a break from my life and be inspired and busy with someone else’s. Not trying to hide myself from me, but I welcome it to be not the too much troubled one. Yes, I have enough to keep me busy in my life, but for a change its nice to blog about the things evolved from someone else’s adventures and thoughts.

Trust me in my brain I have many a happy, weird and silly things going on. Recently they have only be partly involved in thinking about all things of life. So I see others and what about me? Am I in my mid-life phase, and let no-one call it crisis, the only crisis I have is like million others, my bank account. Plenty of ideas just not enough Euros to realize them, apart from the personal ones more pointed at love or something similar. In between things I think I am, but not missing the fuzz about a relationship, its nice and quiet at home. The more my friends tell me about their escapades I notice that I am content with the silence and tranquillity in my life. It's ok, I do not miss it nor does it keep me awake at night, for lack of action and thought. Have I grown tired of the game, the hunt, the unknown out there? Not really, just not on the top of my list, next to the mishaps I see around me and the stress even a simple date can cause. My clock seems to be in a different zone, miles away it seems, and I am actually happy with it. No rush and nothing on my mind related to relationships or dating. Checked with myself and I think I am on a break, away from all that, as I was feeling it was more of a job as looking for a partner, the expectations everyone has or a list longer than a Christmas one, who wants to be busy with that. What you see is what you get, funny brains included. The exterior of my house is presently more important to me than the wrinkles around my eyes. Have you ever noticed how much time consuming dating has become, first the looking than selecting, over to the preparation phase, than the meet, the talk, the judging, sex on the first one, or a difficult kiss and a cuddle. Just to see if he is worth some more energy. One could almost apply for a job here, organised dater. How do people manage and have a life and make it to the bus on time? The pre-app period was more adventurous and you had to get out there to meet some one, and at least you were able to have the first selection out of the way. Communications another biggie, just there in second base after the world famous “click”, who ever invented that saying should meet madame guillotine. After the eye pleasing factor came the chat, the act of verbally getting in his pants or have him wanting yours. The true art of chatting-up a person is lost now, in a chat they can simply copy and past from all sources, a earlier chat with a far more intellectual being, a song text and who is clever enough even a Shakespeare sonnet. So who are you behind the apps, perfectly white smile and other eye pleasing features? Every young gay single man should get a internet course in becoming a cyber detective. Next to the fact that he needs to know the more than average fetishes. Good luck my young lover......... there goes you your otherwise free Saturday afternoon. You are racing into cyberland for some la la la love and hopefully a satisfying role in the hay. (check for allergies first!)

I am already tired thinking of it, if my clock would be ticking I might want to have it adjusted, otherwise I am running short on time left to do other things. And there is so much out there that grabs my attention, I think the ticking comes from my calories app counting the ones in my blueberry danish......... so let it tick..... it taste just to damn good, and no it is no substitute for love or sex, but I am left with the same sticky hands a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my belly...... without the rest of the drama.

Heat, thunder and the smell of rain.

After rain there will be sun, after scorching heat there is the more than welcome thunderstorm. My head almost twisted in unnatural position I am looking at the dark sky, where flashes of thunder weave there mysterious patterns. The middle of the night and I should be fast asleep, but this game of light, sound and rain keeps me awake. No, I am not upset by it, I love this, it is second to romantic stuff with candlelight. Never saw it as the wrath of the gods, but more entertainment for a lonely end to a summers day.

How amazing how some things of nature give us these thoughts, feelings we can not truly give a place. My parents, explained what thunder was when I was young enough to understand it and wrapped around the warning about mother natures dangerous laser game. So why do I get in this mood, why do I have the wish to dance in the rain outside and dance to the beat of the thunder. Here in my bed, just now better positioned to make the utmost use view of the thunderstorm, I can feel the cold wind coming in through the open window and I love the feeling on my chest. Its refreshing and cooling after a few nights in a warm bed.

I can not help it but I get into a romantic mood, best enjoyed alone, I might otherwise miss out on the music of the sky. My other half might just be a disturbing factor by merely opening his mouth, even when telling me that he loves me. So I am glad I am meteorological single. I can enjoy the weather on my own. Its electrifying and seems to be charging my body and mind with new positive energy. Not bad mother nature! Thanks!

Being “happily” single this sets me back in a romance setting, and my mind wanders to other places. Still a true romantic at heart I can not help it. Long lost loves and memories are coming to mind, and at first it only makes me feel old. Feeling the things I do I still drift away on my imaginary cloud as I did when I was somewhere in my mid twenties. So the shell may wrinkly but in my mind I am still young and sexy (hell its my fantasy) life in all its beauty. What a ride it has been, and the engine is still running, like the thunder rolling in the distance. Thor, as ancient myths makes us believe is throwing his hammer left and right, why not hit Cupid in the arse and make sparks fly, he made a mess out of my love life. For sure his arrow hit me, my body is still in pain, not even taking into account my brain.

The places I have been, the things I have done, the man I have loved and the friends I have made over the years, a single thunderstorm is needed and you are all back in my life. A mere memory, some good, some bad and some very special. Love is a sound not only in music, but in the aves of the ocean, the garbage truck on a Sunday morning, the little bird in my window while looking over Bolongo Bay. So many of them there have been in my life, and I am thankful for these moments. It made me a rich person, each one of them, they left the imprint where I can return on nights like this. The loves maybe over but the feeling of having the moment is still there. We might not want to remember old, lost and maybe even the wrong kinds of love, but admit while it was there it was fucking amazing. Even so that a roll of thunder and gusts of rain bring it back and not only the colder air is to blame for this slight sensation making the skin go all funny.

So many people have been part of the things that build my memory and my ways of handling a situation, or shaped the man I am today. Over the years I have changed my reaction to things I find time-wasting, as were I had patience I now discard it and move on, I even extend this pattern to people, if you do not contribute to my life in a positive way I will smile, shut down to the needed attention span and swiftly move on, away from you. I know I have passed the point that marked half of my life, I have spend time on people like them in that period, now is the time of life, and me. (the age of man, Gandalf would say in a dramatic soft voice) some of these far away place will stay a memory as I do not ave the funds to visit them again, but they are strong enough to last me a lifetime. The sound of the waves of the Caribbean are clear enough to me, the sound of the rain is not washing it away, not even the face of my than boyfriend, as when I looked in his eyes, I was in heaven, or in anyway a good equivalent.

Somewhere in the past I fell in love with love it self, and I think it fits my romantic profile, I just seem to have missed out on the long-term relationship bug. I do like to be in one, but it must not make an attempt to smother me under loads of responsibilities and commitments. I do honour the once about being truthful and honest, but they can not be time consuming I noticed, again like the thunderstorm its heavy, full of sound and visual effects, but even here are moments where it is just raining. Where the water clears the world of the dust settled and breaths life into all things growing. The leaves in the wind find the lesser evil of the storm a source of life. Am I a storm person, to come, have an effect and when the rain does its work I move on, go silent for a while until there is enough pressure and unstable factors in heaven to roar again and talk about life in rumble and lighting. 

Love and life, so electrifying it can come and go with a bang, but let it be a good one!

How long does your memory last?

Here all alone, with nothing to remind me of you, the things that have been, and still it feels there's something like a shadow still here.

How much of an impression does one have to make to leave “something” behind, its there but you can not touch, something doesn't let you go. Is this what we want when we are not looking for the “love that will last”.

Going through the motion of life, when we act or react it leaves an imprint, be it good or bad, short or ever lasting.

Like catching the perfume in the wind, seeing a familiar thing in a blink of an eye. When do these things become important? When do and want we to remember?

Waking up, having breakfast and having your mind already working harder than your ipad, just trying to get your thoughts in to clear perspective and in logical order. Over the years it has become a routine and you don't recognize that you are getting mentally tired. Not noticing the shift in balance, only when things already have changed you notice. The desires are shifting in the other direction and what was an instinct now becomes an active planned thought. Your mind and body on a adventure, sometimes separated and sometimes in harmony.

Your youth playing tricks on you, as your mind is years ahead, still not capable of today controlling every thought and instinctual behaviour, even if you want so much clarity in all things human. You are just a man, in a young guys body, so why regulate? Its a good start not putting your boxers on your head and your shirt around your waist.

Look in the mirror, not only for the weekly shaving session, but look at you and where you are today. You have achieved so many things, and already had some lessons in life. So why the rush? We can talk about Karma (which can also be a bitch), the stars, the direction of the flowing river, but in the end its the naked you. Because that is who you are, all your natural parts and bits, in there is the heart that makes you tick. It might not be perfect, not to you or to many others. This is what you are dealt with, so get your things together, hide your “specials”, in the clean cotton light blue boxers (because they make you look even more tasty. You better check and get out into the world.

So what will it be today? The prince, the pauper, the jungle or a vegetarian pizza? You might want to go over your calender for the week, you might have missed a clue. Had your hormonal check this morning while you were counting your abs. Is it going to be an action day, than we need to show the GI-Joe effect or are we going for a round of cuddles? Good you haven't shaved your chest so we can also go for the teddy bear guy. A hug a cuddle and a well planted kiss when saying goodbye and until next time. Yes, you are the man, ready for it, just not taking into account that for the more complicated relationship, you are not the only one holding the cards. Bugger, this can not be arranged via Outlook invitations and set agenda's. Need to work on that (as if you can, duhhhhhh).

These things suppose to be simple, when you have watch the girly romance movies, where you get the guy in around 90 minutes. Well “HELLO”, Dr. Doolittle, its time to wake up (again) you can not be gay without drama. It comes with the genes. You might avoid it or not give into it and walk away, but like loosing weight on a diet, it knows where to find you!!!

try a little less hard to have everything go planned to perfection, have things happen, and I know, when you are that organized it is not a easy thing to handle some of the control to the other party. In the end you are not playing a match here, other than when it is your fetish, but that aside. If you are liking the bit on the side to get some steam out of the system, that’s great, but are you truly not drifting in the moments just after? Wanting something, what ever it may be? Close your eye and think, what gives me this tinkle, these goosebumps? When do I want them and why? Are you ready for the bigger game, or are other things in life make you want to look for another to be able to share, maybe even give you comfort security because a big thing you can't control is putting you of your game a little?

All is fair in love and war, but what does love give when a war is just around the corner? This compared to a burst of hormones on a cotton sheet?