Lets go somewhere only we know.

How nice would it be to be able to drift and go somewhere the wind would blow you. After a good night sleep I awoke only with the wish that it would be Saturday, and to find out it wasn't. It took me a little more than usual to get on the move, and have my head around the fact that there is work for me waiting somewhere.

Surprisingly it didn't took to long to get my still sleepy head into the shower. The first steps on my way to work. Managed to shave without cutting myself, so a bonus!

Hardly any traffic on the road, and I noticed some parts of my brain were busy with something else but traffic, I enjoyed the crisp morning air and for a change the music on the radio. Normally I would listen to my own selection of music, either on my iphone or on spotify, but this morning the radio was ok. My head was already on holiday I noticed, I am longing for my holiday, signal that it is time to switch off and let the world spin a few days without me being involved too much.

The prospect of being able to wander to the beach and do nothing but listen to my music and swim a few laps when ever I feel like it. One thing has never changed over the years, I am still in love with the sea. The ultimate place for me to relax and forget about the troubles or less beautiful days. Memories should be kept but I still prefer the good ones, the bad ones I learn from and can only hope not to make them again. Looking at my track record with man it looks like I am a slow learner. As to finding my private and solitude moments I have improved, I do know when I need to switch off and decrease social calls or visits. Over the years I have learned that when I am reaching my level of acceptance of a few things in life I need to take a distance otherwise I might open my mouth and cause more harm, not one of my attractive sides. But luckily I can manage them now. Not always perfect timing, but part of the equation is not in my hands. Some people can surprise me and bombard me with some really annoying things and before I know my bucket runs over.

A few more weeks and I can leave a few thing behind. This day is one of those in-between days, rain yesterday sun tomorrow and summer will be back. The talked about summer heat on its return for the coming days and we will be punished for that the coming weekend. Punished? We have done nothing wrong, complaining about the weather is as Dutch as Gouda cheese. Most important about the weekend, I am off, and I am able to have fun come rain or shine, I do not have to travel to work. (such a bonus)

So in 3 weeks back to Spain to friends and (almost) family, sun and sea. The ones that are leaving the coming days to other places will be missed, but I will find sorrow on my towel on the edge of the shoreline. It seems I have evolved, I am perfectly happy being a single tourist. Not really a tourist but I can fully pretend I am. Just packing my suitcase and head for the sunny south, without baggage, in the shape of a husband, friend or boyfriend. Its time to be holiday single and stay that way. I got different fish to fry, literary! Dating will be on the agenda for the distant future. Sticking to my plan, otherwise my old dining room will never become a TV room. And I am postponing this now for way too long.

Yawn, my body wants to sleep, and who knows dream of greener pastures, I am in for that. A little daydream never hurt anyone...... lets give it a try.... go to a place only I know..

Oh Romeo oh Romeo, what's next?

In this season, or should we just say summer where one festival chases another party, loud music and bright lights, young and the old, or more mature. Old seems to be such an ugly word. We are all out and about, for some the being out has more in the meaning as just feeling a breeze on your skin.

We all seem to move on a certain beat, or drum or melody. The sun is out, and so are we! With these few weeks we go almost in overdrive to present ourselves as the young, free and sometimes single, happy person, but what lies behind this summer glow?

It used to be the Christmas season where we longed for the company of others to fill the dark days at the end of the year, and to be able to celebrate this family friendly period with our loved ones. But while travelling home from work yesterday one of the DJ's mentioned it in relation to a story about a celebrity “falling in love” all of a sudden. Hang on, was my thought, this is part of my “later in the year” thinking, are they really trying to confuse me here? People lets keep things where they belong, and leave the desperate partner period be the one that starts when the Christmas spirit shows his festive head.

Summer is the time to meet people and in the “heat” of the moment fall in love, or get a hormone rush, short simple and causing havoc in your head and pants. Funny to see how certain areas can be directly linked to the grey mass. So here it is, the party season, dressed in light and comfortable clothes, although some in their tight outfits can hardly be comfortable. We are still under the pressure to show off all we have worked for in the gym after the festive season of binge food and drink.

We all move in the rhythm of the beat, and while we do that we are hoping not to much of our fat waist or other parts move in the opposite direction, this for the ones who did not have enough time to tighten all bits and pieces according to the skinny look. When I think of dancing it takes me back to the days I went out and danced many of a Saturday night away. In those days (and already sounding like my granny) we were fashion conscious but not so into the starving look. Sure we were present in all shapes and sizes but just not the “pencil” people. If they try to dance like we did they will snap, and who wants to be hurt on the dance floor? Other than for romantic reasons. Yes, there are some nice to look at people out there, but I want to hold something in my hand because it is nice, romantic, fitting to the season and not protect them from a sudden draught when a door opens and they might be sucked out by a nice fresh summer breeze. I do understand now why they go to the beach to sunbath and walk, heaven forbid they will brake an ankle while swimming.

But back to our modern day Romeo’s, what and foremost who are they? A true romantic,imaginative spontaneous guy, have you seen one lately? Some admit to thinking about it but are fast sidetracked by the facts that it deserves a thought after great sex with the opportunity for a second and maybe even third run. Nothing seems to be for free any more. So Romeo what are you up to? For where ever you find one, tell me about it. Lets factor in that we are here having a Romeo meets Romeo scenario, at the best of times. Some times it is simple, the case where a more gentle person, may one say feminine like appearance might help to establish who will get up first and make breakfast. But when gender is in equal share present it might be a bit more complicated as just making coffee and trying to find your way in the fridge of another person, once you are asked to stay the night that is. A date, a night, the next morning, depending on the action of the last night or lack of it. Are you truly welcome for breakfast? It is somewhat of a special thing if you are allowed to watch what ever appeared to be handsome wake up the next morning. Just for a moment think of yourself looking in the mirror after a long and sweaty night, this if all went according to plan. Mesmerizing about the effect of waking up after what should have been a one off. Where do we draw the line, or feel the need of arrange breakfast, or perhaps a little more. When does this dating for action change into feeling a little more like a hug, the old canoodling. When will the brain take over from the hormones and think: “this is fun, lets make more of it.” is it in part you or the other who ignites the sudden change in hormonal mental balance. Romeo never once thought about sex and leaving before sunrise, he was the one true prince, even one without a horse seems to be able to fit the bill. We are still far away from breakfast or serenading under a balcony. But how are we progressing form the fact that we selected each other for some fun between the sheets to a person we want to make or buy breakfast for?

The app just has the function to chat select and meet, nowhere it is given that there is a possibility for “extras”, who knows he might have an allergy, so buying him orange juice might set his stomach off. At least when talking condom you know when he is allergic because he will have his own, risk free stack.

I think there is room for another app, the what’s next or after option. But for sure we are moving into the real dating section here. Bit of a grey uncharted area when it comes to gay man power dating. You simply don't show up for a round on the mattress with a cooling bag, in case you need to offer a snack, or yet worse breakfast. So young man from Padua or somewhere else for that matter, make up your mind before heading out for the comfort of a strange bed with the trimmings of naked delight. Is it just the physical or are we going for the hotel option of booking a plus plus. Added extras will cost more, and who will foot the bill, Shakespearean etiquette will not help you in these peril moments. It is up to you, young lover, courtier, who might already be scared by the words you have never noticed.

Romance and sex or sex and romance, you need to pick a sequence one relates to the other in different settings in a complete different way as you might think. Nothing in love and sex or the game between two lovers is set in stone, that is one of the still unchanged things since time began. Being a man with a man does not make it easier or more tolerable, we still need to establish who is who and does what before or after. Being of the same sex is an added bones in the game of roles, where it makes playing easier, as you know all the bits and pieces, romance throws you of your balance.

So my good fellow, my man of the world, standing in line for croissants and orange juice, I can not lift your spirit or doubt, you need to communicate before, check your hormones or simply take a risk. The risk of making the right choice for breakfast is easier as to fall in love or simple lust.

Romeo, oh Romeo be on your way to Padua and find your fair prince!!! I bed you good night!

Sommersturm in la la land

The heat has left us for some cooler weather and I must admit it is a nice change. Yeap we complain about the weather every chance we get, like we talk about our adventures off and on-line, however we look at it, it never seems to be just perfect.

So what is perfect to you? Surely not what it is to me, and I am not that demanding, I think. Be it weather or adventures. Lately the weather has been more of an item as they were none or almost no adventures. The few that came around were of no interest as they did not turn into anything. Seems that summer heat and skinny dipping get the favour and the love life has been put on hold.

Have I been actually too busy to care about the life inside my pants? There has not been any, other than nature's daily routine. Mentally I did have some thoughts but they were caused by others going on adventures. Sounds a little like being in the middle of a Hobbit story. Could these stories be more like a quest? A quest for what? To feel “loved”before setting off to a far away country or just the need to feel a little more than the “average”sex object? It seemed to unfold in a town where fairies and dwarfs are as common as leather clad bearded guys and half naked wannabe “beauties”. There remains how ever enough to tell a story. 

 

So in a time not to long ago there was a young man, young in years, mature in thought yet still a boy in his steps around the magical world of dark nights full with wanted passion.

Looking in the mirror he noticed this great smile and oozing confidence, ready to mount his horse and go into the wild and hunt. The wind guided him to the city gates, dark and deserted, so where to look? Standing on the edge of the known and unknown, the forest behind him, where he could hide and not been seen while observing his prey. Off to the inn, a place where all kind meet and a stranger would be just a stranger. He clicked his tongue and off they went. The local inn, full of even more strangers and maybe just one or two familiar faces, every hunter has something to recognize and would stand out from the would be prey.

Outside people gathered, some about to enter others to head home already having had their fill for the night. Once inside the room was crowded, how to find what he was looking for? It was so much easier in his head, but for sure he must have been noted, it should only be a matter of time to find the right one, or rather the adventure for the night. After a while of going in circles it was time to doubt a little, was he actually giving off the right signals, did he choose his outfit fitting the self set task? It took to long, what could be wrong with him? In the mirror it looked adventure ready and pleasing to the eye. Was he in the correct inn, or should he move on to the next, riding a bit on his horse to be able to be clearly seen in al his splendour, the almost knight in shining armour. Youth and glamour as ever there was in far-far-away la-la-land. So on his horse, gracefully striding to the next inn, at a pace so all could notice this more than average man high on his stallion. He who can control so much beauty between his legs must be worth the stories they tell around the fires on winter-nights to come.

Still no one seem to notice, what was wrong? The quest was a matter of simplicity matched with overpowering manhood. A simple no-fail recipe, or was it?

The hunter high on his horse started to think more and by doing so forgot to look around for the ones interested in the hunter in him. He was on track for a children's fairytale instead of the adventures only poets can write about. A steady hand, true marksmanship and all destroyed because the mind was going a different direction, the hunter went back to the forest to et even more lost in his ways and his thoughts.

So children what do we learn? Or rather what should we learn? No matter your appearance if you ride out without your mind clear and your eyes open you will never find your prey and always be hungry.

So dear fellow, go on have your adventures and tell me all about them, as they make me write and think about the probably never ending story.

Where has the magic gone, and my drink.....

After a warm, warm night it turned into another warm day, I was early enough to catch what little of fresh air we had this morning. Used it to cool the house by opening all windows even the one on the attic.

I was pleasantly surprised by feeling cold air when I woke up, as when I fall asleep It was all but fresh or even cold. Sure I should not complain as this is summer and we longed for it the past few months. And I am, I do enjoy the sun and the warmth coinciding with the “summer nights in the garden” feeling. Last night was amazing, a slight warm breeze and a moon just lurking over the edge of the roof, and best of all no mosquito’s. The moment to enjoy a nice cold glass of prosecco and listen to some lounge music coming from the bleutooth speaker..... I am so happy with technology. It truly made for a nice night outside. To me it is weird to have an evening without TV, before I head for bed. Even with a royal baby on its way I enjoyed just sitting in the garden and be in my own world. From time to time I need to keep the world on the other side of the fence, and be in my own world. In my head I am in my world on a daily base. Otherwise I would go nuts. In a way I need my escape from all that is real to level things out, when I stopped doing it the weekend became to short to switch off from work. Next to switching of I still enjoy to have a active imagination and just daydream for a few seconds when I am in a quiet place or able to enjoy a amazing view. Worst place at the moment to do it, the seashore, laying in the grass feeling the cool breeze from the sea and watching the sun set. Those moments I am not the guy to ask directions or want to chat to, I am mentally far far away from this planet.

Its funny to realize how little you need when you can daydream, not even a significant other, he would even annoy me......... did I truly say that? Me the old-fashioned romantic? In contrast to the “younger” ones I feel less of a urge to be together or be the hunter or the hunted. I spend no time online to make things happen. I merely check my message and when needed I respond, otherwise it is silence. In no way do I feel the need to share my summer moments or my thoughts or fantasies at the moment. My fantasies are low level and and based on the books I am reading or the movies I am watching. It might be that I do want some company somewhere, or just want romance. I am also happy to watch people trying to make romance happen. Its also fulfilling to see things like romance and love just happen, and don’t get me wrong, not the lip locking, dentist like mouth checks, just plain old “lovydovey”stuff. I can hear a friend of mine think; “you are getting old”, I can handle that! To me falling in love seems to be more of a job as a feeling lately. The more people I hear talking about it, it just seems to be a whole lot of work. Gone are the days where things were just simple and plain. Where yes meant yes and not a multiple choice option depending on the state of mind of your target. You almost have to have a Harvard degree to get into the dating game. Next to be sure about who you are, without a trip to another Harvard certified professor. No longer a child splay it turned into a higher science, well we are made to believe this by TV, movies and magazines. Is there a Dr. Phil app? Ready to use if you are not sure if you can hold hands, smile, or even open a door. Time made us dependants, a look in the mirror and smiling at yourself is no longer enough to be confident of success, in the dating game. We can google about the car we want, a book we want to read and music we want to hear, it also seems to have spread to our way of loving, and in the way to get there we lost romance. No the writing guides on how to woe are not romance, it is dictated behaviour? Try to use your imagination, and I know the possibilities of being original are getting thin as we share all we do on the social media, so you are fast looking like a copier and someone without ideas how even hard you try. It is still possible I believe, it could be the little things that give away that it is you and not a Australian half blind horse who did it first. Put a little you into it, how even hard it is, and forget this advice if you are only on the hunt for the exchange of body fluids. For that there are many apps.

Now I wonder am I sick of the love for and by apps, or is it that romance is truly dying? I might just go blind for the right guy, because the right nows, even at the end of the night become more frequent than the ones for something magical? And with magical I do not mean the 2 seconds it takes you to make a condom appear out of almost nowhere.

Looking in the mirror to find …... its a jungle out there.

To start I must admit that this idea was handed to me, but a good one to get started to organize my thoughts. Maybe I should really attempt to write more when my head gets filled with to many thoughts in a too busy period.

When you are busy with someone else’s problems, and a too busy schedule the “silent hours”, just before you fall asleep are filled with too many thoughts to process. Sure I tried to sit down and get my thoughts digitalized but every time I parked my butt on the seat either the phone rang or I had a river of endless text messages. Before you know the thoughts are gone, or even worse lost.

Insecurity, perception, reality we all find it in the mirror sometimes, and we start out own little discussion, this is the moment where we can talk to ourselves without someone storming in and asking questions; “are you ok?”.

So what were we looking for in the reflection? An image that pleases us, or just checking if we are still as handsome as yesterday? What ever I look for, I need to shave that’s certain. A friend told me what he noticed that morning, he doesn't need to love himself the way he looked, its up to the other one to appreciate it, to begin with and love it if it's to be so later. He probably never heard of: “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. He should have but he is forgiven, I can only wonder what he has been seeing till that summer morning. I know what I am seeing when I look at him, but to him that should not be important. But he was right in realizing that some one else should look at him and think “wow”, that deserves a closer look. He already knows that to me his above the average, for so many other things than just his looks. The wrapping is pleasing for the eye, true, but like a good quality chocolate the taste and the almost ultimate pleasure from the lingering of the taste is so much more. 

The age difference is part of how we see each other or ourself, be it in the mirror or as a person. When he goes on the hunt it truly is a jungle out there. Tarzan may be out there, but also King Kong, funny thing, they both fall in love with a screaming blond. Irony?

 Who knows....... when the bush drums call we all gonna hum the old song: “the lion sleeps tonight”, but does he? The digital lion, otter or wolf, depending on the scene. No, its never going to be easy, admit that would take the fun out of it, and make many psychiatrist poor little jobless persons. We need to take care of each other, it's a jungle, so Tarzan were are we swinging to next? Does your heart beat like a drum? Baloooh is out there, so is Jane, so keep your eyes open. It's not like a walk on the beach, and even that can make you doubt who you are and how you are being rated in and out swimwear.

The sun is out and looking at people is a lot more fun. If I break out into a sweat I can always blame the heat, not my hormones..... I love summer. Hormones these funny little things, at a certain age they give you hot flashes because they are shutting down some functions, other moments because other parts are suddenly awaken, and they don't care if it suits you or not. A jungle out there and inside of us, what an amazing thing the human body. Looking in my mirror I still see something I was never happy with but I learned to accept it as on the other hand I also dislike much of the action I need to do or actually not do, to get it into a public accepted shape. In the past I had boyfriends who were of perfect shape, looks but not always intelligence, yes the looked good, tasted even better but in the end my mind went hungry..... when it rumbles in my stomach I am annoyed but when my brain starts sending signals, more and more things are just popping-up to tell me; “its time to move on”, next!!!!!

being single isn't that bad, and when I turn in for the night, with this heat, I am actually glad I have nothing next to me heating me up. When Tarzan and King Kong are on a date, I am happy for them, and somewhere down the line I listen to the adventures, not in to much detail. They are brain food, and I am always hungry there. My life never gets bored actually, even during summer leave here there's enough out there that knows how to reach me, and because of the sunshine most of the stories are about adventures or moments at the beach or pool. I wonder if Tarzan going to be upgraded to Indiana Jones, even in the jungle he sounds more like a beach bum, not so much “swinging on it till dawn”, thanks to Will and Grace for that one, it still makes me laugh. Reminds me to pop in a few episodes to relax at night. The world needs to pass me by for a few days when I return home. Focus on the job at work and when I return home I wanna chat with friends but other than that sit in the garden, relaxing in the evening sun and the light breeze coming from the sea. A simple garden has become paradise again to me. My little haven, the village and my house. Truly a place I call home.

In a few weeks when most of the staff have returned from where ever they went for their holidays I will leave for Spain, for my 3 weeks home away from home. Like all the other I mention that it is time for a well deserved holiday, but lately I do believe I have more than earned it. When my friend told me he and his family would not be there when I arrive, I thought of not going, but now, I more than welcome being alone. The “family”will still take care of me, but I can go and not go when ever I like and where ever I want to, so a trip to the nude beach is now possible..... I hate white a white bum, and on the other side it evens out the white areas the tanning bed didn't get. Tarzan will be left in the urban jungle and I am going to play Robinson Crusoe, out of the jungle on the white sandy beaches!!! out and about in the open, clearly not a prey or a hunter, just a semi-old guy, nothing to hide and only reading a book. A different adventure.