Can tell me someone that why in the deepest pain people can write amazing novels and great love songs? The only thing I want to do I smash about everything, great feeling, yeah SURE!!!!
My god true love is a bitch, and she keeps biting me in the ass! thought I was over a few things many, many months ago, well it seems its back.
Feel like haunted, I do know I had my love-of-a-lifetime, but also realized that it was a very narrow one way street. So can someone tell me why it still feels this way? Probably not, and I have to find my own way out of this, well at least in some sort of way make it not return every other month, when I just got “over’ it.
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and this year it seems not to affect me, weird an it is, or is it this feeling that I have been feeling recently? Is this why it came out of the box again?
No I am not planning on sending a card or flowers or any kind of present, I will just go to work and have a normal day at the office. To many valentine’s have passed and many presents are send but none received, so keeping the money to spoil myself, which I already did, hence I am the proud owner of an Ipad 2. I’m in love with that so the feeling is not fully lost.
Outside it is winter and inside I just wish the warmth was back in my bed, other than the electric-blanket. It’s so nice to just wrap your arm around someone and feel warm and care not for what happens outside.
Well even when he was here this was seldom, as we had to rush to the gym, and god knows what. He could sleep at times where his company was wanted and he couldn’t sleep when an hour was more than wanted. Next to that there were more contradictions, which I think are noted in earlier postings. But in the end he is still missed, for just being there, and being the person who almost never sees the light of day. That person that not has to pretend all is fine and happy, rich or super-gay.
He is settled in his ways and he will always deny that things are not the way he thinks they are, which is weird as in work he is amazing but in his life, present and past he is lost, but in a way that every thing he thinks off or imagines thinks really happened.
For me it is been something that bothered me for a long, long time. With that in my mind I am able to look ahead and await new things, and trust me I can not complain. Just these moments when the bitch is back, than I hate him, for having it happening to me again.
I can go over it again and again and hope one day it will be gone, but I know that will not happen and as he has to come to terms with his life so do I with mine. Me, well I have been in love, true love, he felt something, mostly himself I fear, and he moved on. Sure he talks and remembers, but he has said so many things to me and so many others before me that I am afraid he doesn’t know any longer what simple being in love is. It fades as doe s the dark blue color on a new pair of jeans and somehow he wants things that have everything to do with being gay, and nothing with true life and love. But that is my way of seeing it; he probably sees it as true life. From what I know of him, there is still that person but every time deeper and deeper away from the surface, and that person has my love I think for eternally.
So Valentine go and visit the neighbors, I have found true love, and know where it shelters from reality. Chocolate I have all year round like flowers. Thanks for the effort, but I rather have a free app!!! (Painless as they come)
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