Back to work, I think we deserve a banner and add too like the one; back to school. It must be the early mornings and the drive to work that gets me in this mood. Yes, I know many people have to get up early and get to work and even drive longer than I do, as I see a lot of them on my way to work. Just need to give myself some moments to feel sorry for myself. Summer seems to be a thing of the past and I still feel I am in need for a holiday and several hours more of sleep.
Insomnia, not my best friend, and at the moment I am having a bad period, not more than 3 hours max of sleep at night. If and when this goes on this week I know that I will spend my weekend sleeping. My body is getting older and changing that I have accepted, but hey that doesn’t mean I do not need to, or in this case want to sleep.
Just having a bad habit of making things worse when there is another sleepless night, somehow my body is protesting in a different fashion as my brain is. In the end they seem to work together to keep me awake. And before you ask I am not thinking of world changing plans, passed and gone lovers or house make-over, maybe I try to hard blanking my mind!
However and whatever I just fail to fall asleep, and that mildly said is very annoying!
Now I am here in what is temporarily my office, an empty classroom as in my office there are not enough PC’s to host all the people in there and I can sit in the corner holding a book for hours and look busy, but that doesn’t get me very far, does it?
So back here where at least the blinds are open so that the little sunshine we have between showers can but some warmth and light into my office day.
Today is a good example of a Monday, started with rain, not enough rest and the feeling that somehow the weekend went by unnoticed. So now I am counting the hours till lunch, the highlight of my day, next to the moment I am climbing back into bed.
One good thing, I can write my blog in the moments between coffee and opening another folder to read even more boring reports. For the moment I am not having 5 day working weeks and I plan to keep that going for a while, I need to settle in here one step at the time. No running into things here.
Yesterday while I took my neighbor to the airport we had another talk about relationships, mine for that matter. Where am I or where am I going with mine? So first explained that there is none, just the ending of one, no new one on the horizon. As I am settling in at home I begin to have a different feeling, I like being on my own there, where I once had the feeling my still husband needed to be. This is no longer the case, I feel good alone, yes I do miss someone to hold in the evening or to cuddle with on a Sunday morning, but knowing what my soon to be ex is adding to that, it doesn’t make me long for it that much.
There is an app for everything, and we have long talks about nation’s futures, our car has an annual inspection certificate, so why is there no system that checks the BF? To make sure that when he says “I do”, we get what we ordered. If only things could be that easy, sure I want the dating process but not the after second phase handling. Once committed it should be only improving the model, make it more agreeable? What’s wrong with wanting that?
Somewhere I can here the answers just bouncing in here, and yes, I am sure you are all fine with the explanations, but still. All these dating sites, app’s and program’s we are able to list what we want, how old, tall, wide and heavy or light, so why not a certificate of matching to some longer term commitment?
We check our next one, or they one for that matter almost for everything but we remain “hopeful”, regarding the future. The mental checklist, we each have our own and we stick to it, for the most part, as the visual effect sometimes just blinds us. No I don’t consider it important whether he has killer-abs, he should have divine manners and seductive powers (to start with) but if I have to be practical he needs to be complimenting whoever I am, or want to be with him. I just want to be mentally fine and healthy together, we both have bodies that grow older everyday, but in spirit I want to reach a common ground where I want to stay for a long, very long time. Through in some other things like race, age, build, nationality and the cocktail for disaster only gets more explosive. Sure we want things in life to have flavor, but I just don’t think I should end up somewhere with a bitter taste.
Chocolates from the local bakery are taking care of my taste-buds just fine lately, but I have to manage that too otherwise the waist factor is adjusted to the wrong side of the spectrum. For now however this is doing me good, got some more time to think about what I want, or would like, and that all with a good taste of handmade chocolate truffles. (So good and comforting)
Never new that chocolate was also a good weather report tool, it helps me to forget that outside it is cold and rainy, even more that the last week. Inside the house and me it is warm and comfy, cuddled up on the couch the (seemingly) endless list of movies is making it even more bearable to stay inside and just think of nothing, not even the sound of buckets of water thrown by Mother Nature against my living room windows.
Time to go back to what I’m actually paid for, a thing called work…….. let’s focus on that, mainly because I ran out of truffles…….
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