Someone will love you, someone isn't me

When you start to like or even love someone you remember where and when, it's a imprint in your brain. If then over time it is just a special feeling you have and hold on too, there's no such moment when you notice that the feeling has slipped away.

Life and time have a funny way to pass you by, yes I was busy recently but not so much that my feelings had the chance to show themselves. 

Things are changing, things fade away, and I seem to ease in these things, these moments. Is this the life of a grown up? Hardly holding on to some things, wondering how I could get this far. 

A few weeks ago we buried a family member who slipped away suddenly, unexpected from one moment to the other just gone. As funerals go it's a reunion of family which remain and stories of times gone by, some of them I hadn't seen since the last one, a little over 19 years ago.

Times when I wasn't a retired navy guy, the man who now sits in the front row at a funeral what used to be the place of my parents. The once that have passed some time ago, and so we are now the close ones, saying goodbye to the ones that go on their last journey. 

The faces are the same just much older, when did this al happen, I vividly remember things from way before yesterday. Past lovers, relationships, travels, the ups and downs of life, my life. Where is the guy who takes my hand and promise me to make it all right? If only I knew. 

Home I find myself wanting to spend more time alone with my dog, music, some tv and music. I feel tired from so much and so little, it's frustrating. 

Somebody said life will fly by, things will just seem to be another 90 minutes movie, I feel like I am in the corner watching not being able to do anything about it. Even turning circles doesn't change a single thing, I am just the guy standing there, watching it all go by. 

Thankful for great moments, a loving family (with its ups and downs) and amazing friends. 

All of this and I found that if I had to say goodbye, I could and all will be well. Sure there are things to do and hopefully some adventures ahead, but so far I am happy with what lies behind. Little moments are collected in my blog here, and it makes me smile, my own little crazy universe. Living alone with no one to care for or to ask off, but happy as I realize that I crossed the point where I would be able to live in a relationship and be able to handle it from one day to another. I prefer my solitude days where it is just me and I don't even speak a word to anyone (except the dog, as for sure he is not responding). 

Somethings I let it slip away, no more worrying even though everything is changing, I chose to be this way, so when I faulted at least it is my mistake. 

Dark thought during a stormy night, I choose to be this way, and tonight I had to write it down. 

It also keeps the blog alive, one thing I don't want to die and disappear yet. 

I need to read back a little about me and my universe, so if I do not understand somethings I have somethings to reflect and compare.

So far so good, time to get some sleep as Monday awaits.......