Looking out of the window, down below and in the distance the lights flicker in the dark night, shimmering in the little raindrops on the window. When I am not trying to look through the window I can see you, a sleep on the bed, half covered by the duvet. Mixed with the scene from outside it’s somewhat of a serene moment.
I must have rehearsed my lines a thousand times, until I had them memorized, but when I get up the nerve to tell you the words, just never seems to come out right. If only you knew how much, how much I love you and how much I do need you.
I dream of these moments we share, but you are not there, I am living in a fantasy.
Now when I open my eyes I see the rain, and a dark street, my village where all is quiet and I spend another sleepless night. I can hear the clock ticking in the hallway downstairs, all is peaceful and I might as well go downstairs make myself some coffee and start my day very early.
Another Monday, another weekend gone by, and I long more after my bed as I am motivated to go to work.
While my coffee is standing in front of me I again go back to Friday where we finally met for more than a drink and a few hours in my car in the rain. With nothing to expect and nothing to lose we spend a very nice day together. Like a couple in love we shared some intimate moments.
Your hands fitted in mine like it was meant to be, like it’s made just for me, bare this in mind it was supposed to be like this.
These are little things I won’t let slip out of my mind. Nothing felt like it was our first real date, over the past weeks we have chatted and I noticed from the beginning that you liked to ask more as to answer. As always this is a sign that there is something to be told, but face to face, not in a little electronic message. We were in a public place and still we were focused on each other, one thing we did from the very beginning was communicate. Know I know you little extra’s and we decided to see where things would be going as we both liked each other’s company.
For the second time you made me feel 18 again and so much felt so new, I have no explanation why or how, I can only think of one thing, I was in need of some old-fashioned stuff; maybe we can even call it romance. How mature we are showed when we had to talk about your limitations if and when we would continue to see each other, they are for sure not simple ones, but after all this time chatting I think we are not talking about a relationship but being friends, “with benefits”. So far I can agree we can be, and I like to be “the other man”, although it should read woman, but I am clearly not. Maybe just the “other”.
We are not wasting time, I can talk and be quiet with you, and you will notice me, the way you hold my hand, or put your head on my shoulders, it has a little more too it. And I do not mind at all, I feel at home, its ok, and I feel like I belong there, for the moment. Neither you nor I know what will happen next or somewhere in the future. For the moment you are putting the spring in my step.
When I talked to a friend about you, he warned me not to talk about relationship at this time, and he is right, for once the youth has the answer. Somehow we were talking about things to come and the boundaries and the problems we might face if we want to see each other on a regular base. This must be the adult part of us, maybe it is time to listen to him and make sure our eyes sparkle when we meet, and if all goes well sparks will fly.
I found myself looking at the past and comparing what I felt with you on Friday with moment that seems to be a life time away. For again I have found someone, or rather you found me, where I can rest my weary head and relax. Something I am in need off as my world is changing fast now, and I sometimes try to move that to the background by being ever so busy, with too many things. Just to distract me from the inevitable.
Like I was dreaming in front of my bedroom window just now, I think I am going to let this take its turn and as we said we are trying to make the best out of it, as we both find peace with each other as well as comfort. For now I am looking forward to our next time together and I will try to go back to my blog and have my brain cook up many other weird ideas about love, life and logic of the blue-short, I think I have my work cut out for me here.
And I am glad I have friends who listen and remind me never to lose my spark, to live and feel alive!
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