At the moment i am waiting for my trip to Spain, for my summer to really begin untill that time i just have to work and gather my thoughts. Not writing for a few months means i have to look and think where to start and notice again what is happening. Luckily i have friends who remind me that i have been silent for too long.
For a few months, or actually rather 2 years i have been in a "relationship" that made me think a lot, we see each other regularly and can have a relationship but not in the open, because he is not out and the age gap, yes its a biggie...... it made me look into this a little more.
Gay relationships come in all sorts of
shapes and sizes. None of us chooses to be gay and we certainly can
choose whom we date and fall in love with. Because of love sometimes this
results in intergenerational relationships that have both their benefits and or
concerns.
Let’s break down the pros and cons of
intergenerational relationships where a prominent age gap exists between the
two guys.
Pro: Invigorate
and Energize Your Life
There’s nothing more exciting than
finding a strong connection with somebody. By dating outside your age,
you’re liable to find somebody with vastly different experiences and opinions
than yours. Whether you’re the younger or the older, intergenerational
gay dating is the place to be. The younger can introduce you to some of
the newest clubs on the scene, while the older can take him out for a night of
classic cuisine that never ages. In our case this is not the case, but it is worth mentioning it as a pro. Both add something here into the relationship.
Con: The Allure of Taboo
As gay men, we’ve already entered a
so-called taboo. Be mindful of gay dating someone in another age category
strictly for the allure of taboo. If you’re younger and seeking a sugar
daddy, your gay relationship is likely not going to work. If you’re older
and seeing a young servant, again, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t make it
passed a few dates. Some things are not to last. We have had different phases in ours. Only to find that we work on some levels and others can not be explored because it is not a "complete" one. It's fine with me now, the way we are together is balanced on what we both want or expect, but there is a little shift into somewhat more. Where this is going to end? I'm not sure and for the moment it doesn't bother me.
Pro: Not Settling
Too often, we seek relationships of
comfort. We date those that we meet through friends that are usually
close to our own age. But this doesn’t result in a long term commitment
for some of us. Why not break free from the past and liven up your
future? Show everyone that you’re not willing to settle for another
failed gay dating adventure. Pick up that person at the bar that’s
nothing like what you’ve gone for before. And so he did, after 2 years of trying he found me willing to give it a try, resulting in us playing to gether now for a little over 2 years, with still nothing to complain.
Con: Society’s Judgment
Society loves to wag their finger and place
judgment. This definitely applies to intergenerational
relationships. They see two men in a gay relationship that are clearly
not the same age and begin to make and/or think various rude comments.
Potentially, they’re going to see the younger one as having Daddy issues or
trying to act grown up. As for the older, they’ll see him as being
immature or a cradle robber. Just a few friends of mine are aware of what I am having at the moment and as expected their reactions differ, one wants us to make the big step while another is just happy that we are having a good time. Being the older part here I am comfortable with what we have, i notice little changes and most of them are good, but i am fully aware of the expiring date. Next to getting older (we both have this) it's the view of life, where do i stand? Whats next? Both of us have different views, but they do not interfere with our common things.
Pro: Connecting on Common Ground
There’s nothing more exciting than
basing a relationship on common ground instead of age. Ignore the
judgment of friends and allow them to bask in your amazing relationship.
Once, they see you in your gay relationship, they’ll know exactly why you two
are together. They’ll see the many interesting common interests that you
have. These can involve anything from: traveling, dining, gaming,
exercising, dancing, etc. It’s your right to enjoy dating whomever
you like. If it turns into a relationship, then that is even better.
Con: Performing Prescribed Roles
Occasionally, intergenerational relationships can fall into performing prescribed roles. For example, the
younger is the submissive one and the older is the dominant one. The
older may control the finances and begin dictate how the younger can spend
their time. Likewise, the older feels they must control the younger to
ensure that they are fulfilling their role as the wise one. I can see this as a point but it is not happening in ours as we are not on that level and have seperated lives for most of the time.
Pro: Extended Social Circles
One of the best parts of dating
someone from a different generation is getting to extend your own social
circles. It’s likely that the two of you have vastly different
acquaintances, friends, and work contacts. By entering into this relationship, you’ve now potentially added a ton of new friendships. Now
there’s the opportunity to put together fun dinner events, weekend getaways,
and house parties. Each get together now features a mix of yours and his
most interesting friends. Again not the case with us, and from what i gather our circle of friends is fastly diffferent but i would like to just mention it as a pro, simply because it can be.
Con: Future Reality
While an intergenerational relationship may work for you today, what about 10, 20, or even 30 years from
now? Gay dating a different age is fun and all, but a relationship may
mean serious commitment. If you’re younger, are you prepared for
potentially caring for your partner in their old age? If you’re older,
are you willing to watch them make some of the mistakes that you made.
Once lust turns to love, there’s more at stake than excitement, there’s a
future to consider.
Dating is an opportunity to go out and connect with whomever
that you want. At some point, you may enter into an intergenerational gay
relationship.
Who knows where we still can end up, for now I treasure the moments we have together, it's simply nice to be together.
Now let's see if i can keep writing, as there seems to be enough to think and write about.
