Take a look, look into my eyes, you'll see someone you don't recognize.
You'll see someone who looks like me but I'm not the me I used to be
Found I could fall, but I could get up and after all, I could hold my head up.
I made it out, I made it through so far.
I'm someone now, I'm someone new, but you could say you knew me then
You could say you knew me when, knew me when I was on the edge and my confidence was shattered.
Don't you look surprised to see I've changed, I've turned the key and I've turned the page.
Stepped out scared, had so much fear then, it took too much for too long.
Over the last months I needed to find me again in a world that keeps changing inside and outside. Feelings, thoughts I could not even put in my blog, they were not clear enough to but into words.
Feeling things are in hand when they seem to slip out of your hands without warning, loosing control of the things I was hoping to guide me through the period in my life where things were new, except my age, my body and mind. How much I tried to keep my brain young, separate it from the clock ticking inside me. Lost track of time and of me, myself. Wisdom comes with age they tell you, well I must have arrived at the station only to see the tail lights of that train.
Some days are easier to forget that one day at the time is ageing you at the same rate. You only start to listen when te body tells you, or rather ruthless awakens my senses to the fact the guy in the mirror is changing. Never have I been the person aiming for the lower levels in life just to climb another mountain, but I try. This time a pebble, a spring or a unicorn is not crabbing my attention it is a slight form of depression, getting older is neither a gift nor a curse, it's something you have to get accustomed too. I have it hard sometimes, but still looking for the sunny side of things.
My on the shoulder biological PC, is in need of some new juice. Most of the time now my brain is tired and needs more stimulants to stay on the positive uphill climb.
So there we go after months of not being present I need to get things out before it consumes me. Work and walking my dog are not the only things keeping me from the thoughts of what next, what will be the person you could remember from now on. So indeed to put it into words, reflect when I need and to find my spark back, and who knows positive energy wrapped in a blue short.
It's time to sleep and hope that by morning the first rays of sunshine will lift the fog. Making for a bright early spring day.
Expect that writing will pick up again, making my head spin less......
