good morning....... coffee

Why is it that on a working day the bed feels more comfortable as on weekends? It’s almost like the moment where a good things feels so wrong or a wrong thing feel so good. Can we compare love life to workdays and weekends? I would almost say yes, love, relationships it all seems to be more like work and days off as to the simple thing I thought it was when I was in my teens. Sometimes it feels like very stress related, you seem to have to create your image and keep it up 24/7 . compared to a job where we have , if we are lucky a 40 hour week. Looking around me, close and further away, I see people off all ages busy with having and maintaining their image, their profile, be it in or out a relationship.

It has become a crazy world, I think something of the individual has gone lost over time. When the world changes, like going into the digital age, so do people but didn’t we invent machines to make our world easier? Nowadays we seem to invent and develop ideas on how, why and what we should love, behave, maintain or split from. Emotions seem to be taught and not felt as an instinct, so many of us who rely on the internet, chat rooms or forums to have our feelings analyzed and our next move planned.

It’s become a digital process, and I believe there is an app for it. As always much of who we are or what we want to be or have is dictated by Hollywood or the press, where are you, the person I fall in love with based on a feeling? I do still have them, those butterflies and those moments where one thinks: “damn you are a good looking piece of…..”. looking around me I see people noticing others, and shortly after, if this doesn’t do unnoticed there is a surge on the internet, might he be on grindr, or else, maybe he or she checks in on Facebook and we can leave a little message. It has taken away some of the adventure and made it a little more stalk like performance, without us calling it that. My young friends falling in love or just having the urge for lust sometimes make me laugh, the process they go through to pick either an adventure or something more serious, well guys even to “more” can be a hell of an adventure…. Since we started using the tools to make our life more easy, it’s become a hell of a job to fit in. sure we can maintain friendships more easy over longer distances, but we already did, it just needed a little work called, writing be it a letter or a postcard… it just took a little longer, but a simple xmas card could make you smile for days. I will not go into cliché mode and call it the good old days, it had just a little bit more romance than stress in it.

Yes, I do enjoy the Skype moments with my friends in other parts of the world, I am happy to see their faces and laugh together, it has its beautiful moments the “digital” age. As a member of the before and now, I can compare the moments, of normal life, personal and now the Facebook one.

Modern times brought me also good things, but as a true romantic I long for some not so digital moments, and yes the music I listen is brought to me via Spotify, so even wanting to go back to candlelight and music and a good bottle of wine, I do depend on the internet. 

Time to get some sleep now, and just before turning of the light I need to use my app to program my coffee machine for my old-fashioned coffee for breakfast. Good night you all!! 

On a grey day

The last couple of days of this summer are happening and fall cannot be far away. Rain has become more frequent and the temperature dropped. It has been a good one, I was able to use my garden to the fullest and enjoyed my little tranquil place almost every day.

Over the past weeks I have tried to blog but I was hampered by a PC crash down of both my laptops and next to that my social life picked up again. 

So a higher level of being out and about you would think I have more need to write and compare thoughts (yes, with myself) but it just didn’t happen, instead of grabbing the Bluetooth keyboard and use my ipad as main tool to write I found myself more in need of relax moments in front of the TV. I know there is a whole world out there and there must have been moments where my fingers must have itched and my mind must have wondered. And yes, it did happen but once back into the seat, I could simply not find the motivation to start my blog. Believe you me, I had plenty of thoughts the past few weeks, they just didn’t materialize ….. funny enough.

 

My departure or should I start using retirement from the navy is drawing closer and although it seems to be the time to depart, it feels like letting go of your child at the first day of school. Sure I do know the organization will not miss me, for as I leave a new one is knocking on the fence. Time for a new generation, time for me for a new way of life. Things will change, and so will I, the first couple of weeks it will be strange talking to my friends still on active duty, but I know in time that will pass. As from next month I will start to actively look for another part time job and hopefully not refer to the navy to much when I find myself in the “new world”. Things will be fine, but different.

 

I recently talked to a colleague about his coming out, and I was surprised to  hear that he considered himself to be a tough guy for doing so, to me coming out is something special and you need to be tougher afterwards while serving in the armed forces. Once you are out you are out, there is no guarantee or refund possible.  So when I told him I was happy he came out but did not compliment him on the fact he was somewhat disappointed it seems.  Sorry, but I still believe that maintaining yourself while wearing a uniform can be the toughest part of being a soldier. Every time someone meets you they will be hit with typecasting, and when you are armed and on a mission, you want them to trust you as you are holding a gun, and the responsibilities to protect them too. Being gay doesn’t mean I can’t fire a gun, drive a tank or launch a missile, if the going gets tough we are tough too. Why will people always want to emphasize with someone being a victim? Many of today’s soldiers are hardened man and woman who are more “helped” by being typecast as their fellowman (or woman). Sure sometimes or somewhere there is a person being harassed, bullied or discriminated, but we are not alone in that group, I think we go hand in hand with color of skin or just being a woman in the workplace. Most of the serving man and woman don’t want to be typecast with a gay pride partygoer, we are privately different from the moment we are wearing our uniform. Why not typecast us as a soldier? We wear the uniform, so get in line with the bigger picture thinking! Once out of uniform I am just me, and you might be able to typecast me for something else, if you need too, for me we are all human and we all have our pros and cons. To simplify things in my mind I also just typecast, but it is an inside job, it makes my thinking process shorter and I know I am not always politically correct in it, but once I am out of my job, no restrictions I create my “inside world”. These are the tools I have to create my life the way I like it, and yes bad things happen and we can nor should we avoid negative things, but if I have the option I would like to spend my day laughing.

 

Well for today I did it, I sat down and wrote….. I also have a working pc again so who knows, I might feel more need to put some of my thoughts into the world… until next time