Out, gone fishing

There has been rain and wind for a few days now, and seen the season the blue short syndrome is for sure no longer around here. Well not for the moment. 

I have tried to identify something else what would be the winter replacement for the summer short principle, but so far I went on empty. I noticed that on tv, and out and about there are on average more handsome Spanish man as woman around, or is it merely because I fancy one more as the other? 

While staying dry and indoors I watched my first episode of "catfish" and by now I have seen a few episodes, haven't seen the movie yet. Cat fishing is pretending to be someone else on the internet and starting a "relationship" online. While I was aware of the game people play on the internet I have never heard the term used before relating to dating. 

And again it shows how we love to pretend (most of the cases) to be someone else, rather than to be who we truly are. Being overweight r feeling not pretty enough made these people go through somewhat close to hell, once eye to eye with the real ones. Yes we all would like to have something changed about ourselves, little or big I can only imagine just a few people completely truly happy with who the see in the mirror. The end of the year is only a few hours away and I had a quick look over my shoulder to see where I was 12 months ago, and I was in London on my own, somewhat similar as today. Being more of a Christmas person New Year's Eve isn't the biggest thing in my life, even knowing 2014 will bring a few changes. With some New Years energy I will do my best and face them head on, clear my mind of the negative thoughts. Not planning on it I had to many depressing thoughts of lately but after a comment from a friend that she might offer me her antidepressants I think my alarm went off. 

I remember what I thought when I was turning 20 my life would be when I turned 30, let me tell you it didn't happen, not even close. I must admit I had way more fun as I expected. Recently a few people I know turned 30 and they were afraid life would be over, they hadn't arrived at the promised point. Good morning people, look at me I turned 50 and still I am waiting to grow up into an adult. Sometimes it is not easy or as we might hope it would happen. I still sing in the shower and dance behind my vacuum cleaner on a Sunday morning. On a "bad" day I have troubles feeling old and wise..... But so now and than I have to be the one with reason. Daydreaming is still something I like to do, but by now I realize that I will never turn into a prince, but I am a very handsome frog, Calvin Klein will never ask me for a blue short shoot but it doesn't stop me from wearing them. It is ok to dream, even dream big.

Whether I dream of my prince or a chocolate chip ice cream I am so happy I still dream. In a few months I will have more time for just me, and I will be able to pick up a book and start reading again when I feel it's a good moment to spend my day. The world, well it's only a mouse click away, my friends and family are out there and sometimes I have to switch on my wise man part to listen and maybe even help them. For that is who I am, just me, not for what I look like but for who I am, no cat here that goes fishing, when you get to know me, enjoy the magic, it might not last for ever, just like love, but it's real and you got to share it. 

May the new year, give us more truth and less cats!

Under my umberellahhhhh la di da

I was walking to clear my head, I was to much into my thought to even notice the rain poring down on my umbrella. My eyes focussed on the flickering lights across the bay, Vigo looked amazing even in this night where I could feel that a storm was coming. A sudden gust of  wind tried to pull my shield against the bad weather out of my hands and the first raindrop reached my face. The smell of the ocean filled my nose, a change, in weather this time, is truly coming. Since I left home about a week ago I am having thoughts about the coming year, what will happen? I am in the last 11 months of my life inside the navy, soon this adventure will end, a certain life will be over. The job that took me everywhere, showed me so much and even though I like the thought of not having to have to go to work everyday, this will truly be missed. We can write stories and songs, but something like what I am about to close behind me, that was truly a ride, and reading back in my blog, most of what happens is so related to me wearing the uniform. 

I admit I am, even at my age, a little afraid of what next, what now? This simple fact in my life the thought in my head is driving me nuts at time. Never thought it could feel like this. Suddenly at the end of an era ( sounds so dramatic......) I am sort of afraid of letting go, I know I have friends that will be there next to me, to help me anyway they can. 

The coming months I will try and find another job to keep me busy during the week or the weekend, depending on what I might find. If possible I will try something for 3 days a week. But first things first I have to find something. 

Back to the storm, the wind is pushing the waves in, the break with a sort of comforting rumble on the shore. A fierce force and a strong sound like a roar. But so comforting, I must truly be a sailor at heart. Cangas is truly a place where I can think, switch of and get some clearness of mind. Unlike summer I am most days on my own, walking twice a day along the beach and doing what little shopping I need. As it is Christmas time I allowed myself some very tasty chocolate but keep it within limits. I am mainly here to start 2014 alone with a clear head of things to come and do. So when Christmas comes around again I can sit with my family and enjoy the family time. Sure I do miss my family and friends but I needed me time a little more. Need to get my head clear and not be asking me question on how to survive, to finish this song, or book that is called my life. Maybe I should say finish this chapter as I hope a few more can be added to this what is my colorful life. The "what if" moments sure passed me by, but I should have no regrets as it is what I made of it. Not all perfect but I can already look back on my adventure..... Maybe I understand Bilbo Baggins a little bit better now. Next to that I have friends young enough to make their stories and in telling me make me smile or wonder even more often. 

Things are going to change, and if and how I made it, well future will tell, and I am hoping that I will still use my blog in a few years. Soon I will be getting more time to think and to see that I can use what ever is put on my path I can use to good advantage and make up for opportunities not handled on and bits of life I never did take to serious. 

Feels like I am writing a very long Xmas card. Funny, I am worried and happy at the same time, will I ever grow up? I cans still remember my dad when he retired, he got older but never stopped smiling, even when we were with him on his death bed he tried being happy with his family around him. I hope to become like him and never give up hope for a better adventure around the corner.

W Re all unfinished songs or books, a story that needs to be told, I have found my melody, gave it a beat and now I have to compose a little more!